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When I needed you, you weren’t there

This post isn’t about anyone specifically, but about every time I turned to someone, how they turned me down. I know, this seems like a downer post, but it’s to help everyone who has been turned down and to those who didn’t listen to their loved one who needed them. I will not be naming who specifically said these things.

They weren’t there when I needed them

When I was having a hard time with my relationship with my soon to be Ex- husband, I turned to my friend to vent and told her what my thoughts were and how I was feeling, which was utterly shattered. I told her I was thinking of divorce because of all the mental abuse, cheating and lying I was put through. Her response: “Divorce is a sin. You should go to church.”

I went to a family member about how I was feeling about my anxiety sky rocketing and how it was affecting my everyday life. I was having constant anxiety all the time and didn’t know what to do. Family member’s response: “Anxiety is all in your head, you can control it.”

I use to have multiple panic attacks a week. I would be in the bathroom, on the floor crying and hyperventilating and just hoping to die so the sadness ends. I just needed to be reassured that I wasn’t alone and just to have someone there with me. Instead I was told: “What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you freaking out?! I am going to call the cops if you don’t stop.”

When I was struggling in all ways possible and just needed advice, I went to a family member about everything and didn’t get the advice I should have gotten. Family member’s response: “You got yourself in that situation. I don’t know how to help you.”

I was always there for everyone when they needed me, even though I knew I was being used as a last resort friend. I never turned anyone down when they said they needed a person to talk to and I never will. I don’t care if we aren’t really friends, haven’t talked in months, don’t really like each other… It doesn’t matter to me because your life matters. Your feelings matter and your health and mental health matters and if the people who should care most about you in your life don’t show you that, I will. From one human to another.

Thank you. You more than likely saved my life. I use to be in a REALLY dark place and y’all shined light into my world of darkness. You helped me realize my strength and my worth again. You’ve restored some of my faith in humanity. You’ve helped me rediscover who I am and I am more than grateful.

If you love and care about someone, then it shouldn’t be so hard to be there for them. Don’t belittle their feelings or their mental health. Mental Health Matters more than you obviously understand. Its apparent that you guys also have mental health issues if it’s so hard to be compassionate towards others. Actually LOVE your loved ones, or you may lose them… You don’t have to give advice, but you could just listen and remind them of their strength they have and how you’ll be there through every step of getting better.

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5 Troubles of Having a Big Family

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Having a family of your own is one of the best feelings in the world. Holding your little rug-rats till they eventually grow older is the other best feeling as a mother. If you would have told me in middle school that I was going to be a mom, I probably would have laughed in your face and said some obscured line. If you would have told me I was going to be a mom of three mini-sized Tasmanian devils then I would have probably ran the other.

However with the best feelings in the world, come the problems and obstacles! I never knew raising three children would be one of the hardest tasks I would ever have to face on a day-to-day basis. It is worth it but can be troubling at times. For those who have even bigger family numbers, I applauded you! I would not be able to handle being in your shoes for a day.

I have come up with 5 problems to having a bigger family. None of these are to scare you out of having a big family, by all means the more the merrier!

Space/Clutter

When having a bigger family space becomes an issue. From the living room being converted into the play room to no longer having your own room. Here at the H. household we are a family of five! Even in a two bedroom apartment we are often cramped for space. My living room looks like a war zone of toys that was made by tiny elves. Organization becomes key when having a bigger family, however I lack at the thought of organizing toys! Clutter is another thing that comes with having three pint-sized human beings. Mom space becomes their space!

Alone Time

Having one child is easy, it takes little effort, in my opinion. You can do so many things and be alone for a while; you can take a nap when they nap, you can have a cup of tea and breath, or even shower in privacy! When I had my oldest I was able to do things by myself! Now having three I can’t even make food with out all three of them at my feet like tiny dogs. I won’t even get started on alone time with your better half, we have maybe one date night a month because we don’t get time alone. Our alone time is at eight at night while watching Netflix as we pass out from pure exhaustion.

Can I Super Size That?

Having a bigger family eventually means upgrading to bigger things. Not all items need upgrading but most things you will have to super size it. Example¬† your car is one thing that is a needed upgrade. Our previous car was a Kia Rondo. It isn’t huge but isn’t as small as a four door Honda Malibu. When I became a mother of three plus the dogs I found it extremely cramped and had to level up my car. I now own a Toyota Sienna, that’s right a mom van. Never in my life have I ever wanted a mom van, but that is the prognosis of having a bigger family.

You also have to Super Size your pantry and fridge capacity. If you have boy’s you know why, if not well lets just say having a bigger family means more mouths to feed. We now have to feed seven mouths (fur babies too), three of which are boy’s! I run out food faster than running out of cloths to wash.

Sorry I’m Late

I use to be a very punctual person! I would arrive to work an hour before my shift started, be on time for birthdays, and never miss a time frame. Now trying to get three deaf little humans to get their butts in gear has made me become less that punctual. It is very rarely that I show up on time for things. I am either ten minutes behind or calling saying that we will be extremely late. Hot mess moms know this trouble!

Asking your children to put shoes on turns into you becoming Godzilla and yelling the question. My family wonders why my daughter has two mismatched socks, it’s because I would rather get out the door and her be alive then worry about the color of socks she happened to find. This also falls into super sizing and space, but shoving all the kids in the car is another problem for being late. One always has to pee right after you buckle them, you have to ask if they are all still buckled when starting the car, and by the time you start to dive off you realize someone forgot their shoes after asking seven thousand times to put them on!

“You have your hands full!”

If there is one thing I can’t stand its strangers having the need to make comments about your rather large family size. I don’t get it as much anymore unless the children are acting up in public but I know it happens behind my back. When I had my youngest I was twenty-two, I always got “Your too young to have three!” or “You sure do have your hands full!”.¬† Yes having three unruly children can be a handful at times I already know this you don’t need to point it out. As much as I try to appreciate the comments I don’t need a stranger telling me that I have my hand full. What are my hands full of exactly? Is it the endless energy that I wish I could contain and use or is it the fact that they are actually playing with each other despite me saying don’t be so rowdy in public?

But let me tell you something about all these reasons

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Having more children to raise is hard work but it is worth the undeniable and unconditional love you get in return. Having three kids to love is beyond fulfilling even in the worst of times. Yes they make me want to pull my hair out, yes at twenty-four I have started getting grey hairs but at the end of the day my three Jedi’s loving me is the best feeling in the world. They don’t care about the lacking space, the being late or all the other reasons. They care about loving us and us loving them.

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Advice & Motivation for first time moms.

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When I first became a mom, I remember how overwhelmed I felt, how defeated I felt and how drained I felt. Here are some words I wish I heard when I was feeling this way.

1.) Sleep when they sleep.
This was a hard one for me. Yes, I was exhausted and sleep deprived, but I rarely ever slept when my daughter did because it was almost impossible to get anything around the house done when she was awake. So, I stayed awake to tires myself out more by cleaning the house. Another reason I didn’t sleep when she did, is because of new parent paranoia. I was too afraid that I wouldn’t hear her wake up if I went to sleep. Eventually, I learned that I need sleep too and not to worry so much about housework all the time. It’s more important to be rested to be able to take care of all your baby’s needs. Besides, when I finally did sleep, I didn’t ever fall into a deep sleep
. I basically slept with one eye open.

2.) Plan ahead (or try to ).
I’m telling you, planning ahead of time will make your life easier. Plan the day in advance; food, activities, naptimes… Everything if you can. ( A mom’s life is crazy and be unpredictable.) Planning ahead even if it doesn’t always work out will give you peace of mind and when it does work out, your day will run smoother.


3.) Ask for help.
This was also a hard one for me. I rarely ever asked for help with anything. I remember a specific night in particular… Averie, a few weeks old and around that time, she was awake and hungry ever 2 hours. So, needless to say, I was extremely sleep deprived. This night, Averie was extra fussy and it seemed that everything I was trying wasn’t making her happy. I was trying different things for probably a good 3 hours and it was around 3am. I remember finally feeling completely defeated and just crying while rocking a crying baby. In times like this, you should ask for help. I wish I would have.

4.) You matter too.
You need to remember that you matter too, your health and your happiness matters. New moms seem to neglect themselves and put all their time and energy into their little’s… You need time for you to rest, rejuvenate and just to be happy. It takes a lot, and I mean A LOT to raise a human being, so you need to be the best YOU to be able to raise these little humans.

5.) You got this Mama!
Parenting is hard… being a Mom is even harder. You will have rough days where you feel the defeat taking over, you’ll feel so overwhelmed that all you feel like you can do is cry, you’ll feel like you are doing wrong and that you’re failing, but just remember something… your body made and carried this baby for 9 months. You made it through morning sickness and aches and pains that were so uncomfortable that you couldn’t sit some days. You handled contractions and labor for hours. You pushed a living thing the size of a cantaloupe out of a hole the size of a grape (Or had a C-section) … and you went through the postpartum healing… You went through all of this and survived, right? You got this parenting thing, Mama! Remember, this is new to you and there’s no other way of really learning how until you have a baby. Go easy on yourself. No Mom is perfect. This is how you learn.

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