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Mental health check in

Are you okay? No? Yeah, me neither.

I don’t know if it’s just what’s going on in the world right now, the energies or what, but my mental health has been bad for months now. Months of darkness it seems like. Like REAL darkness. Everyday seems to get worse no matter what I do. I find myself doing less of the things I use to once love. I find myself staring into space a lot. I find myself thinking negative things more often. It gets harder every day.

Do you talk to anyone about it? Neither do I, really.

I hardly talk to anyone about how bad I’m getting. I keep it to myself… The dark part anyways. Most of the time, I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about what is going on. I just deal with it alone… I have dealt with all of my mental health alone lately. It gets hard, like really hard that I keep all these things to myself. I feel like my mental health isn’t important to anyone because I feel like I don’t have people that are close to me like I use to.

Do you know your worth? Because I’m forgetting mine…

I used to feel like I was a strong person… Used to. I feel like that strong person is losing her strength. I stay awake at night trying to think about what my purpose is. I think about if my kids think I’m a good mom. I think about how inconvenient I am to others. I think about everything and nothing. Sometimes my brain is so silent and all that comes out are tears. I just feel an overwhelming and STRONG feeling of sadness all the time. Like the color is gone from my life.

I make sure others know…

I’m always there for others in the exact way I need someone there for me and I think that’s actually hurting me. I feel like either way, I won’t win. I cut people out that hurt me constantly but then in turn, to have no one. It’s a very VERY lonely feeling to have people in your life or right next to you and feel like you are the only person in the world.

What keeps you going?

The only reason I’m still breathing is because of my kids. I have to be here for them, I want to. I just have a hard time wanting to be here for me. They saved me. They’ve shown me unconditional love. I’ll never leave them.

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Blogging is my mental outlet

I’ve been blogging for almost 7 years. I blog about everything under the sun of motherhood and everyday life. I blogged when I was married, when I was pregnant, when I became I mom, when I separated from my ex, when I was emotionally and mentally damaged, when I was lost, when I realized my worth when a life event happened…. Everything, I blog about everything. Mental health is my main subject as I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, major depression and panic disorder. Blogging is my outlet, a way for me to release my anxiety in a healthy way.

Why do people have to ruin it for me?

A few weeks ago my ex (Father of my daughter) came to visit our daughter (he lives in a different state for better work). Him and I get along and are civil with each other. He stays with me and my boyfriend when he comes out. Him and my boyfriend also get along very well. My ex also has a daughter with someone else that lives in my state whom I use to be friends with. He goes and spends time with them too, as he should. He came back one night and proceeded to ask me this…”Do you write about me on your blog?” I responded with, “In a way, yes, but my blog is about me and my life, not to bash anyone. Why do you ask?” He then told me that the mother of his first daughter told him that I write about him and her in my blog, but she told him in a way as if I were bashing them.

Back story

My marriage with my ex was never good, right from the beginning. He knows the things he did and how he treated me. He knows why our marriage ended. He also knows who all had a hand in our marriage ending, but him and I are still CIVIL. Him and I are still respectful to each other. Just because him and I can choose to be that way with each other now, doesn’t mean that what happened in the past didn’t have a huge effect on me. It shattered me. Things that happened literally broke me into a million tiny pieces and my ex friend, (his first daughters mother) was part of the reason why I was shattered.

Fast-forward

I don’t write about anything to just bash someone. I write about what’s hurt me, what I did, what I should have done and what I’m doing now to better my mental health. My ex tried to tell me that I shouldn’t write about the past, but the past made me who I am. The past is why I’m so broken and he is a part of why I’m broken. I write to address my anxiety and to channel it into something else, something that someone can read and relate to and not feel alone like I do all the freaking time. I write to bring awareness to all things mental health and what causes mental disorders.

I just don’t get it

There are SO MANY reasons I’m not friends with her anymore but none of those reasons are worth listing. All I’m trying to do is heal myself after so much betrayal and heartache that I carried for YEARS. All I’m trying to do is have a healthy outlet for my anxiety and depression. Why does anyone want to ruin that for me? I don’t air my dirty laundry here. I don’t air anyone else’s dirty laundry here I don’t call out people specifically and I definitely don’t try to ruin anyone else’s outlets.

I deserve peace

After all I’ve endured and put up with, ALL I’M TRYING TO DO is have some well NEEDED PEACE that I didn’t get for years. I just need calm in my life. I deserve it after what I was put through with just them two, alone.

No grudges or hate

I’m not holding grudges against anyone. Holding a grudge hurts me more in the end anyways. I just let go of people that hurt me and were continuing to hurt me. I have that right. They can choose to be bitter and talk ill about me because I made a necessary choice for my life, that’s on them. What they should do is accept it, realize it, let go and move on. Let me have my outlet and stop trying to cause issues in my life.

I will continue

I will continue my blog as I have been. I will continue my healing and I will also continue with raising awareness of mental health and any kind of abuse because neither of those should ever be taken lightly. Sometimes you have to talk about what hurt you to get past it.

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What are your pure moments of joy?

 

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In the midst of your crazy-busy mom lives, do you ever have small simple moments of just sheer happiness? Whether it be finally having the TV remote to yourself, watching your babies sleep, or just having a few hours to yourself, kid-free. Having these moments is part of what makes us feel alive and just happy. It makes us realize what pure happiness really is.
Here are a few of my moments of pure joy.

  • Waking up in the morning to my 2 year old softly touching my face saying, “Mornin’ Mama!”
  • Laying in an empty cold, dog-less bed after a tiring day. (I especially love when my sheets are freezing cold!)
  • Being able to pee in my own bathroom, alone, without a toddler in there asking me if I’m going potty over and over.
  • My daughter and step daughter being mommies to their baby dolls.
  • My daughter kissing my freckle because she thinks it’s and owie.
  • When my daughter grabs my face and tells me, “You so pretty, Mama.”

What are your pure moments of joy?

Ashlee:

  • I love when it rains-Everything about it. 
  • The ocean.
  • I love carnivals.

Gina:

  • My kids laughing.
  • My husband’s smile.
  • Sleeping. No one is unhappy when they are sleeping.

Stephanie:

  • I was at my son’s school the other day for a meeting and as I was leaving, my son comes running through the cowed of kids to catch up to me to give me a hug and to tell me he loves me really loudly. 14 years old and my son still hugs and tells me he loves me in front of friends and other kids. 
  • When my 4 year old tells me, “I la you, Mama.” It’s our special way of saying I love you.
  • Every time I dance, I feel pure joy in every cell of my body.
  • And of course, the smell of the first cup of coffee when I get up in the morning is a given.

Emily:

  • When my son tells me that I am his best friend.
  • The smell of a fresh cleaned house. (Floor cleaner & air freshener)
  • When I feel like I am failing for the day and just feel all around cruddy, my husband tells me how beautiful I am. The fact that he thinks I am beautiful when I look like a hot mess brings me absolute joy.

Alexis:

  • Fresh brewed coffee.
  • Meeting my husband for the first time and then marrying him.
  • The birth of my children

Donna:

  • The birth of all 3 of my children.
  • Coming home from work to my grandson running to hug me and tell me he missed me.
  • The smell of fresh brewed coffee and someone else BBQing.

Katherine:

  • My son gives me pure joy- the fact that he’s truly a Mama’s boy.
  • Sleep because I work 2 jobs and don’t get enough of it half the time, but when I do, it’s the best thing ever. 
  • Getting to shower alone, which is something I hardly get to do anymore.

 

Pure joy can be found in the smallest, simplest of things. We often over-look what pure joy truly is. It isn’t being rich or having a fancy new car- this isn’t true happiness. Yes, these things can make you happy, but it isn’t pure joy; pure joy is something that deeply makes you happy, makes you feel something much deeper than just being happy- it’s something that warms your soul, (which apparently is the smell of coffee. Lol.) It’s moments that can’t be bought. I challenge you all to find pure joy in simple things and be thankful for the small things.  

jessie

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Do your kids a favor and discipline them.

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Discipline isn’t just about giving kids consequences. Instead, it ensures children are gaining the skills they need to become responsible adults.

There are many types of discipline and various approaches to parenting. But ultimately, regardless of the type of discipline a parent uses, discipline offers kids many benefits.

Helps kids manage anxiety.

Kids actually don’t want to be in charge, too much stress.

They often test limits just to make sure that their caregivers can keep them safe and to see if they care about what’s best for the. When adults offer positive and negative consequences, kids grow and learn.

Kids who have easy-going parents often experience anxiety because they have to make decisions that their parents should be making. The lack of guidance and absence of leadership is very worrisome for kids.

Making good choices.

Appropriate discipline teaches kids how to make good choices. For example, when a child loses his bicycle privileges for riding into the road, he learns how to make safer choices next time.

Healthy discipline teaches kids alternative ways to get their needs met. Kids need to learn problem-solving skills, impulse control, and self-regulation skills from appropriate discipline.

It is important to distinguish the difference between consequences and punishments. When kids are disciplined with appropriate consequences they learn from their mistakes.

Punishments, however, tend to teach kids that their parents are mean or they learn how to “not get caught” when they misbehave.

Teaches Kids to Manage Emotions.

When a child receives a time-out after hitting his their sibling, they learn skills that will help them manage their anger better in the future.

The goal of time-out should be to teach your child to place themselves in time-out when they are getting upset before they get into trouble.

Other discipline strategies, such as praise, can also teach kids how to deal with feelings. When you say, “You are working so hard to build that tower even though it is really hard to do. Keep up the good work,” your child learns about the importance of tolerating frustration.

Ignoring mild misbehavior can teach kids socially appropriate ways to manage their frustration as well. If you refuse to give in to a temper tantrum, your child will learn that’s not a good way to get his needs met. When you ignore whining, your child will learn that whining won’t change your behavior.

Discipline Keeps Kids Safe.

The ultimate goal of discipline should be to keep kids safe. This includes major safety issues, such as looking both ways before crossing the road. There should be consequences when your child doesn’t take appropriate safety precautions.

Discipline should also address other health risks, such as preventing obesity. If you let your child eat whatever they want, they will likely experience serious health risks. It’s important to set healthy limits and offer education to help your child learn to make healthy choices.

Explain the elemental reasons for rules so your child will understand the safety issues. Instead of saying, “Stop jumping,” when your child is jumping on the bed, tell him why it’s a problem. Say, “You could fall and hit your head. That’s not safe.”

Teaches Responsibility

Discipline will teach your children to work for the extra things they want. Handing them everything they ask for teaches them absolutely nothing but to entitled. They will have no idea how the actual world works and that you have to work for what you want, if you get them everything they whine for. Responsibility gives them a sense of accomplishment and gives them something to be proud of.

When your child learns about the reasons for your rules, and he understands the specific safety risks, he will be more likely to consider the safety risks when you’re not there to tell him what to do.

See, you are actually doing your children a favor by not giving them everything they want.
I know it can be hard to discipline your kids, but it needs to be done. You are molding them to be an adult.

jessie