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Have you ever felt like you weren’t anyone’s ‘person’?

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Here’s what I mean by this post. Have you ever felt like you weren’t someone’s or anyone’s person that they thought of first or even second? I’ve felt like this most of my life. I was never the person that anyone thought of for anything really. In high school, I was never one of those people who ever got anything on their birthday from their friends to carry around school. I was never the one that someone thought of to send a Valentine’s flower to in school, but all my friends got one from their friends. I was just never thought of to do anything for in high school like most of my friends the people I knew were. 

After high school was pretty much the same. I still wasn’t really ever thought of first or even second. I had a friend who was getting married and I wasn’t asked to be one of her bridesmaids. Why this hurt so much was because her and I were best friends since middle school and did a lot together. When it came to me or her other friends, I was never chosen. I always tried to tell myself that there was a logical explanation for her not asking me to be one of her bridesmaids, and other’s told me the same thing, but when I asked her why she didn’t ask me, her answer was, “Because I already had too many…” 

There will be times where I see on social media that my family members are going to dinner or a concert or just somewhere and I don’t even get thought of to invite. I’m not even thought of for important things sometimes when it comes to my family. 

I would like to think there are logical explanations for being treated this way, but still to this day as a grown adult, it still happens. I still rarely get invited to Dinner, or a concert. I am never thought of randomally for an act of kindness. It’s kind of like I am just there and not anyone’s person if that makes sense.  I’m just rarely ever thought of it feels like, except by those very few, and I am talking very few as in I can count on less than one hand, who think of me. 

The worst part about all this is, I do these things for the people I care about. I think to invite anyone that I’ve called a friend to lunch or to an event. I think of making people happy and get them something for their birthday just so they feel like they are someone’s person. I’m the kind of person who will go all out for someone’s birthday. I do these things for the people I care about and always have but most of these people I’ve done these things for, don’t do it for me.

If you feel like this, just know that you aren’t alone and we’re in this boat together. We can be each other’s people. 

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I’m feeling down this week. 

 

Jessie

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Jessie’s rant of the week

Jessie's

I can handle a lot of idiocy. I really can. What I can’t handle is sexist idiocy. This past Tuesday night, I was at my friend Gina’s house. When I went to leave, I put Averie in the car and then turned the key and…. the car clicked and didn’t start. I called my husband because he’s a mechanic and described to him the issue and he said it was my starter. Gina’s husband, Chris looked at it as well and he said the same thing (He’s also a mechanic). 

Once we determined that it really wasn’t going to start, I called for a tow truck (Luckily, I have roadside service through my insurance). The tow truck guy got there after about an hour and let me tell you, he was one of the most sexist guys ever. He pulls up and says, “What’s wrong with it?” I told him that it wouldn’t start because of the starter. He then said, without even looking at the car, “It’s probably a dead battery…” I explained to him that it was not a dead battery and  that I know what it sounds like when you try and start a car with a dead battery. He looked at me with a very condescending look and said, “I jump it.” Once again, I tried to explain to him that jumping my car would do no good because it’s not a dead battery. He then asked for my keys and said, “I will show you that it the battery.”  (Yes, his grammar was terrible) 

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I handed him they keys and chuckled at him. He said, “watch, you know what you’re talking about, right?”  in a very condescending tone. He turns the key, it made the click noise that it made when I tried to start it which CLEARLY did not sound like it was a dead battery and said, “See… It’s the battery… I need to jump it to get it on my truck,” Mind you guys, Chris had already tried to jump it and it did nothing for it. At this point, I’m getting irritated because he was not listening and was clearly not mechanically knowledgeable. I said, “Do you think I would of called for you to come tow my car if I could get it to start?!” He just stared at me like I didn’t know what I was talking about. I walked over to Gina and told her what was going on and asked her to call her Husband out here to deal with this guy. 

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I walked back over to the car and the idiot tow truck guy was looking for the battery to try and jump it and HE COULDN’T FIND IT. I told him it was under the air filter cover. He then tugs at the cover like he can’t understand why it isn’t coming off… I told him that he has to unlatch it from both sides…. I did it for him… Chris walks out and tells him that jumping it will do no good because it isn’t the battery. Tow truck driver stared at him with a blank stare and said, “Oh… really?” YES REALLY, I JUST TOLD YOU THAT. Chris tells him that he tried to jump it with a car jumper that he’s jumped semi’s with. The guy just continues to stare at Chris. Chris said, “If you want to waste time and jump it, go ahead…” So of course, the guy tries, but COULDN’T TELL WHERE THE POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE SIDES WERE AND HAD NO IDEA WHERE TO HOOK THE CABLES UP AT. When he hooked the cables up on his side, he only hooked one side up. Chris literally helped him with jumping the car.

Guess what guys?! IT DIDN’T WORK! 

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My husband is a mechanic and I’ve been with him for 6 years. Gina’s husband is also a mechanic and she’s been with him for just as long AND she’s worked in automotive shops. We all know some things about car issues. 

Gina was standing by Chris, watching the tow truck guy try to put the air filter cover back on and HE COULDN’T DO IT.  What I love about Gina is, she has no filter and will say anything that pretty much comes to her mind. Well, that’s exactly what happened. She walked away laughing and said, “He thinks he knows that it is a battery issue but he can’t even get the air filter cover back on!” 

Or even take it off…..

After the idiot tow truck driver figured out that it really wasn’t the battery, he proceeded trying to get it on his truck. He couldn’t figure out how to move my car to be able to angle his truck in there to get my car up on his truck… Once again, Chris to the rescue. He literally PUSHED  my car when it was in neutral. Apparently that was too hard for the tow truck guy to figure out…

After he gets my car on his truck, he asks, “How far is it from here?” I tell him where it’s by and he just said, Okay and started walking away. I asked him if he needed the address (Even though I had given it to the dispatch person on the phone) and he said, no and that he had it. IF YA FREAKING HAD IT, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING WHERE AND HOW FAR IT IS FROM HERE? Google maps literally tells you all of that!

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First of all, I called a TOW TRUCK PERSON, not a wanna be Mechanic. I specifically told him that I am married to a mechanic who has been one for the last 20 years. I did not need nor want him to try and diagnose my car, I just wanted him to tow it.

Gina took me and Averie home because there was no way I was getting in the car with that guy and I am so glad I didn’t because as we were following him back to my house, he was all over the road and even RAN A FOUR WAY STOP AT NIGHT TIME! He must of felt like an idiot when he got to my house because my husband was waiting outside and the guy literally just unloaded my car and left without saying a word to my husband. I guess he didn’t want to share his mad mechanic skills with my husband. 

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Just because I am a woman, men shouldn’t assume I don’t know anything about a specific topic. They have no idea who I am and what I’ve learned. That concludes my weekly rant. Have a fantastic day!

Jessie

Posted on 27 Comments

Things you shouldn’t say or do in front of your kids

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The fact that I even feel the need to write this just bothers me, but here we are. Obviously, there are things you just don’t say or do in front of your kids, right? Well some parents didn’t get that memo or just don’t care if their kids lose all respect for them. Hence why I’m writing this. There’s things that kids minds just aren’t equipped to hear and shouldn’t worry about anyways. There’s also things that they don’t need to see, such as a parent disrespecting another parent, or belittling them. Yeah, this should be common sense, but apparently not to everyone. 

Your kids see what you do and how you act and how you treat others. They follow you. You are their role models. They learn how to be an essential, functioning part of society from you. Think about that for a moment. You are molding a human to grow up and be successful.

Don’t talk about your finances when your kids are around.

Kids should not have to worry about bills

It’s a great idea to teach your kids about finances because that’s something they’ll use in their life, but don’t talk about your household finances in front of them. This is adult stuff. They don’t need to worry about stuff like that. There are situations however that this doesn’t pertain to. No child should have to worry about if you can afford food or things that are needed. Just figure it out and don’t talk about how your late on bills in front of them. Nothing worse than your child asking if you can afford to do this or that with obvious worry in their face. 

Don’t criticize your spouses parenting in front of your kids.

I don’t quite understand why any parent would do this unless the discipline goes to far of course. Don’t tell your spouse they were wrong for the type of discipline they gave just because you didn’t like it IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. Do you understand the risks of this? Your kids seeing you treating your significant other like they did something wrong for disciplining them for something they did wrong will cause them to lose respect for that parent, like they have no say and that you will overrule the other parents discipline. It’s just wrong. Don’t take your significant other’s parental rights away. 

Don’t bad mouth your significant other in front of your kids.

This shouldn’t even be said, but unfortunately there are people like this in this world. Parents speaking so badly about their kid’s other parent in front of their kids. On top of this just not being right, do you understand how awful this makes your kids feel and what image of that parent you are implanting in their minds? That’s not fair to the other parent and definitely not fair for your kids. 

Don’t undo something that the other parent did. 

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What I mean is, don’t undo the parenting that the other parent did- don’t give something back to your kids that was taken from them by the other parent because they are crying about being in trouble. The other parent has the same amount of say as you do. If you keep undoing what the other parent does, your kids won’t take the other parent seriously because they think you will save them every time they do something wrong and get punished for it. Just not okay. 

Don’t use your significant other’s past that was before you, against them.

I don’t understand why people do this. It’s cruel. It’s done out of anger I’m sure, but it shouldn’t even be an option. We all say things out of anger, no ones perfect, but refrain from doing it in front of your kids. The past is the past for a reason. Leave it there. They didn’t have to tell you about their past, but they choose to, so you shouldn’t use it against them, especially in front of your kids. Again, this is one of those things that shouldn’t be said, but unfortunately, there are selfish people in this world. 

Don’t tell a step parent that they aren’t the real parent.

This! This upsets me to the fullest. I am a step mom and not once has my husband, or the mother’s of his kids ever told me that I wasn’t their parent. Not once. In fact, the mother of my step daughter reads my blog and sees me refer to her daughter as mine and she doesn’t disagree. If that step parent has been the only other parent in your kid’s life, then this shouldn’t even be thought of. Instead, it’s used against them when it comes to disciplining and responsibility to them. It’s wrong. The worst part is, telling that step parent they aren’t really their parent IN FRONT OF THE CHILD THAT THINKS OF THEM AS THEIR PARENT. Not only did you belittle your significant other, you said that they weren’t your child’s parent in front of your child. The outcome of this could be many things. Your child could lose respect for that parent because they aren’t his parent, or it could break their heart. Either way, you’re doing damage that is very hard, if not impossible to undo. 

 

Kids are sponges, they hear and repeat everything they see their parents doing. They are sensitive, easily impressionable and just innocent. Don’t ruin that for them. Let them have a childhood. I didn’t have this. I saw and head things that I couldn’t ever imagine my kids enduring. Enough to scar me and have a lasting affect on me. 

Jessie

Posted on 23 Comments

Three-year old’s are possessed

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So, I am going to bitch for a moment… ready? Here… I go… Y’ALL ARE LIARS! All of you that told me that terrible twos are the worst, are liars! Three-year old’s are horrible! Terrible twos were nothing compared to ass-hole threes. When my daughter turned two, she was still baby talking a lot and wasn’t as mobile as she is now, meaning she couldn’t out run me and definitely wasn’t quicker than me. Yeah, two-year old’s have a few tantrums here and there, but nothing a Popsicle won’t fix. (Yes, sometimes I bribed my kid to get some peace, don’t judge me.) It’s a whole different ballgame when they are three though. More like a whole different stadium! First of all, they can talk… full sentences… Which means they can argue with you and it makes sense (most of the time anyway). They run faster than you thought their little legs could run. They have been taking ninja classes behind your back because they can swipe something of yours right in front of you and you miss it completely and later find it in the bathtub. They throw what I’m pretty sure is demonic tantrums and when said tantrums occur, they are ruthless. They know what to say to just mess your whole world up. You can’t bribe them when they have these kind of fits… Honestly, it almost seems like they need an exorcism.

 

Here’s some stories about my three-year old demon…. I mean little girl..

About three weeks ago, my husband and I experienced her first real HORRIBLE tantrum, and it was all over a toothbrush…. My husband was trying to help her brush her teeth, and she wouldn’t let him, so he let her do it. She wanted to squirt the toothpaste on, but he had already done it for her. So, he rinsed it off and handed her the toothpaste to do it her herself, but it was already too late at that point. She wanted nothing to do with brushing her teeth because her daddy already put the toothpaste on and in her mind, there was no way she could re-do it. So… She threw the toothbrush… threw the toothpaste… started screaming… refused to get out of the bathroom…threw herself on the floor… and screamed no in daddy’s face and told him to leave her alone. When he tried to walk out the bathroom, she screamed more. When he tried to pick her up, she loosened her arms, so he couldn’t, and he almost dropped her. Then she started kicking her legs while he was holding her and screaming no in his face some more, so he stuck her in time out. My husband punishing his daughter’s hurts him more than it hurts his daughters. He babies them and instantly feels bad after having to punish them. Anyways… my daughter HATES the timeout chair. She can handle spankings and getting her things taken away, but the timeout chair messes her up.  My husband and I tried everything to get her to calm down… Nothing worked. Not bribes, babying, talking to her, more punishing, NOTHING. We sat on the bed just watching her scream, feeling defeated. Eventually she calmed down enough that we could talk to her… So that was fun.

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About a two weeks ago, she was being mean to her big sister, and just screamed no in our faces when we tried to talk to her about it, so we stuck her in her timeout chair in the corner of her room and walked away, which by the way also really pisses her off. About a minute goes by and she had stopped crying. So, we waited to see if she would start again, because she usually does… Then we hear her door slam and something hitting her wall… We walked in and found her playing in the middle of her floor and the chair in a completely different spot than we had set it in… She went hulk mode and hurled her chair at the wall. So, of course, we stuck her back in the chair in that same corner and sat there watching so she didn’t throw anymore objects at anything. She then threw herself off the chair in a rage and started the kicking and screaming tantrum… She eventually (After like 10 minutes) calmed down and said she was sorry.

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Last week, we were getting pizza for dinner and my husband asked her if she wanted pizza and she said no, and that she wanted a sandwich, so he made her a sandwich. Well she got mad at the way he made the sandwich I guess…? Then she demanded pizza. When he put a piece of pizza in front of her and took the sandwich away, she had a meltdown because turns out, she didn’t want pizza after all and wanted the sandwich. All hell broke loose when we handed her the wrong cup though.

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Another thing my three-year old started doing, that she never did when she turned two is wake me up all night long. Literally. All. Night. Long. She starts around 11 if she hasn’t fallen asleep earlier than that. Then wakes me up throughout the night at least 3 times a night. AND for no good reasons at all. Most of the time it’s for me to scratch her back or just because she got bored in her room. She is now the reason why I am so sleep deprived. She’s not taking naps anymore, so I am not understanding why she wakes up at least 4 times a night every single night. She’s been sleeping through the night ever since she was four months old. Apparently three years aren’t required to sleep through the night….?

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So, I think three-year old’s are the age that really start to develop their spongy-ness, and really use it. My daughter picked up a few things from some other older kids and now does and says said things on a regular basis… This has been a nightmare. The stuff she’s picked up are things we’ve and her siblings have never said or done, especially in front of her. She knows I don’t like it, so of course, she says and does said things often! The frustration is real, y’all.

 

Since my daughter’s been potty trained, she always wants to go in the bathroom, even if it’s not to use the bathroom. The worst part of it is, anytime we’re out of the house and no where near a bathroom, she’ll suddenly have to go. My least favorite is when she fights me about me trying to get her to go before, we leave the house then after I get her all buckled in her car seat and pulling out of the driveway, she must go. Her new favorite thing is to go to the bathroom when we are shopping or at a restaurant just so she can play in the bathroom and there’s nothing I can do because I’m not even sure when she’s lying or not. I went through this with my step daughter, so I was already prepared.

 

Facts about three-year old’s:

They have no remorse when they are angry

They have little bodies, but a whole lot of anger

The can be so sweet and tell you how much they love you and how pretty you, but they also have the full ability to rip all your emotions and confidence to shreds

They are ninja thieves

They won’t eat grapes off the floor but with stick their hands in the toilet

They are bi-polar

They have the ability to argue with you like adults

They want everything that you don’t offer and nothing that you do offer

Their favorite things to touch are things they know they aren’t supposed to… They won’t touch those things in front of you, they’ll hide to do it

They take the word no as a challenge

 

 

If you have an evil three-year-old and feel like only an exorcism will cure them, I’m here for you. We can sail this hell boat together.

 

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It’s been real, but I’m out.

Dear Play of employment,
The last six months at work have been difficult for me. Not because my work is hard, because it’s not. I loved what I did, and I didn’t have to wear a uniform. That was always nice. What was difficult was the fact that literally since January of this year, I have been sick on and off. That’s not an exaggeration. Another reason why it was difficult was because of my boss. At first, he seemed like a great boss. He seemed like he valued my work and me as an employee. Boy did that change. I have never had such an awful boss in all my years of working.
First thing that happened was he called me a liar because I told him that the computer program, we use for what we do kept freezing and I wasn’t able to do my job correctly. Yeah, for whatever reason he didn’t believe me and thought I was making it up. Even though I had THREE witnesses that saw it happen to me. He still thought I was making it up. This happened often, and he continued to tell me he didn’t believe me. It happened for SIX months and I even got written warnings for it.
Second thing that happened was, one day, I came to work in the dead of summer, 112-degree weather in shorts. They weren’t my short shorts, they were longer ones that were fingertip length. It doesn’t matter what I wear, everything looks short on me because I have super long legs. Anyways, he called me into his office and told me that my shorts were against dress code and told me not to wear them anymore. I tried to show him that they were fingertip length and he still thought they were too short. Whatever, I told him I wouldn’t wear them anymore. About a week later, I came to work in a skirt because it was laundry day and all I had were dresses and skirts. (Anyone who really knows me, knows that I wouldn’t normally choose to wear dresses and skirts over pants, and especially not to work.) The skirt I wore was a longer skirt, but it had slits up both sides and honestly showed more leg than the shorts I got dress coded for. If I had to choose which one was more work inappropriate, I would have picked the skirt. Well, this same manager who was already giving me a hard time walked past me, stopped and turned around, looked me up and down and said, “Hey, I meant to tell you earlier… That skirt is really snazzy.” It bothered me and made me uncomfortable.
Third thing that happened was him calling me into his office (for like the fifth time in 2 months) to give me a write up for attendance, even though I was never under hours and ALWAYS covered my missed time with my sick time and had doctor’s notes for them as well. He asked me why I was missing work (Which was none of his business really), and I told him the truth and told him that I was always sick. I wish I were kidding about always being sick. He looked at me and chuckled and said, “Really? That much?” Yes, that much, Asshole. I wish I were kidding, but I have the medical bills to prove it. So, he pretty much didn’t believe me about this either. I have always done my job right and never broke the rules. The only time I was having a difficult time doing my job is when I was sick. (For my job, I had to use my voice because I captioned phone calls for a hard of hearing telephone, so I always did a lot of talking.) When I was sick and came to work, I could hardly breathe, or I was sneezing or coughing to the point of becoming dizzy. See how this would affect my job and why I would have to call out?

It got to the point that I felt so miserable going to work and I loved what I did. I dealt with what my boss was doing for over six months and it eventually took a toll on me. I was always in a bad mood and brought it home with me. I never wanted to go to work anymore to the point where I made myself sick because of all the anxiety it gave me. I have never dreaded going somewhere like I did this place. I was trying to get my anxiety problems in check, not make them worse.
The last two months of my employment there, I was actively looking for another job. I applied to over 75 places, took over 45 assessment tests, had over 8 interviews and 3 second interviews. I was determined to get out of that toxic place. Well, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. I was offered a HIGHER PAYING job to WORK FROM HOME. As soon as I was offered this job, I emailed one of the managers on my previous job and quit! I know, not the professional way of doing it, but I could stand to be there for two more weeks. Besides, I know he would have made my work life hell in those two weeks anyways and I couldn’t handle anymore anxiety. It just wasn’t worth it to me.

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I start my new job on the 23rd of this month AND I can do it in pajamas AND, I don’t have to share a toilet with nasty strangers.
Moral of the story don’t stay with a company that doesn’t value you or if they harass you. If you are unhappy, but need a job, do something about it. Change your unhappiness. Don’t just stay with the company you are already employed with because it’s easier. Do something and change it!

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“Nothing should be gender specific.”

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I’ve never been the kind of mom that put a gender specification on toys or clothes or activities. I did however do this not even realizing it… Yesterday I was at Walmart grocery shopping with Averie. We walked down an isle where a previous co-worker and good friend was stocking, and he just loves Averie (He has a five-year-old son). He was talking to Averie and asking her questions about what she likes and one of the things she said was that she likes playing with cars. Well He told Averie that he likes cars too and then I chimed in and said, “Yeah, she likes dirt and dinosaurs too. She loves to be dirty and do boy things, like her dad. I swear, she’s half boy.” He then said, “Why do you say that? Nothing should be gender specific.”

He is so right. Nothing for kids should be gender specific. I can’t believe I even said that. I wasn’t even thinking. Kids are who they are. Girls should be able to play with dinosaurs and cars without being criticized for it. I mean, we all learn about dinosaurs in school and eventually all drive cars, right? Just like boys should be able to play with baby dolls without getting any kind of looks from another judgmental parent. Eventually that boy will either become a dad or play a dad figure in another kid’s life at some point. Having a baby doll prepares them for that. It teaches them nurturing and kindness.

Another time I was at Walmart, I was getting Pull-ups and another mom was down the same isle doing the same thing. She turns to me and says, “Does it really matter what kind of Pull-ups I get for my daughter? I can get her the boy ones, right?” I replied, “Honestly, there is no boy ones or girl ones. They are all the same, just different colors.” She smiled and said, “Good, I’m glad you said that.” I let Averie pick out her own Pull-ups when she with me, and normally, she picks out the blue Paw Patrol ones. It’s pretty much whatever her interests are that week, which we all know that kid’s interests change all the time.

I have never not bought my daughter something that she really wanted because it was in the boy section. Nor will I ever do that. I will also never make a comment like I did at Walmart ever again. I don’t want my daughter to grow up thinking that she can’t play with cars, dinosaurs or in the dirt because it’s for boys. I want her to be able to wear and do whatever she wants and feel comfortable with it. I want her to be able to dress up as Chase from Paw Patrol for Halloween if she wants to. I want her to feel comfortable in anything and everything she does. She isn’t a girl who likes boy things… She’s a girl who likes everything and doesn’t gender categorize. She just doesn’t care about that kind of stuff. If it looks fun or cool, she wants it.

I think we all need to be a little more like our kids. We shouldn’t gender categorize. Our kids like what they like because that is who they are, and we wouldn’t try and change our kids, right? We love them for who they are.

Speaking of kids being who they are… Something has been bothering me lately. One of my friends came out to everyone as gay just recently, and he was terrified to do it. Especially to his mom. This makes me sad that people feel the need that they need to hide and or announce being who they were born as. No one announces that they are straight. Why should someone who is attracted to the same sex feel the need to announce that they are gay or bi-sexual? They shouldn’t, because IT IS WHO THEY ARE. Everyone needs to stop discriminating against someone for being exactly who they are meant to be. It should just be a normal thing to be gay, bi, straight or whatever you want to be. Love is love regardless who it is between. Everyone should be able to love themselves, but others who hate, make it impossible sometimes for people to love themselves for who they are.

Less hate, more love people. Come on, it’s 2018. Hate and discrimination is so outdated. Love and acceptance are in.

Remember, gender categorizing and discriminating are not okay and makes you selfish human being.

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