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My 4 year old daughter is an empath and it scares me

As my daughter got older, I started to recognize a lot of her empathic traits. She notices things about people that other kids her age don’t. She’s very observant of others body languages and how they talk. She knows instantly just by looking at someone that they’ve had a bad day or that they are sad, especially me. She picks up on my emotions instantly.

Being an empath is a special gift

I’m an empath and super feeler and so is my mom and my grandma and now my daughter is. I love that I can pick up on others emotions by just looking at them or how they say something or even just how the breath. I love being able to feel what the feel so I can help them.

I also really love that I can pick up on someone’s energy. If I pick up on bad energy from someone I’m first meeting, that lets me know I need to be cautious. Yes, they might just be having a hard day and that’s why there’s so much negative energy, but some people are just negative people and will drain you of your positive energy.

Why my daughter being an empath scares me

Being an empath has taken a real mental toll on me. Empath’s not only pick up on others emotions and energies, they take them on and actually feel what the other person is feeling. I could be happy one day and come in contact with someone who isn’t and their energy is off and then I’ll feel how they are feeling.

Doing this for so many years of my life has worsened my anxiety and depression. Picking up on someone else’s emotions can literally cause me to have a panic attack and trust me, it has. Someone who is so negative about everything has so much tension and being near someone who has tension has literally made me throw up.

Empath’s tend to put themselves on the back burner for others needs

More often than not, empath’s will put their feelings, emotions and needs on hold to help others with theirs. It’s just what we do. The way others feel, is more important to us than how we feel.

Putting myself on hold to help others has literally caused me to have a full blown panic attack because I have all this built up emotions and feelings that haven’t been released.

I don’t want her to feel how I’ve felt

The thought of my daughter having the kind of anxiety and depression I have because of being an empath, scares the hell out of me. I don’t want her to ever feel how I’ve felt. I don’t want her to have panic attacks, especially like the ones I have. I don’t want her to feel like her brain is against her like I do.

Being an empath is a gift but also a curse.

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Guess who’s back? Back again.

OH MY GOD, I’M STILL BLOGGING. Yes, I’m still alive. I wouldn’t say alive and well per se, and I’ll get into that in a bit. I have SO MANY updates for you guys and I’m just gonna throw them all in one because obviously I can’t just do weekly updates anymore. *Facepalm*

First things first

Well, after a really hard relationship, I didn’t think I would be in or want another one, but… I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 months now and I’m actually truly happy I decided to give him a chance to see if he was able to break down my walls, and he was.

Second, and this one’s BIG

Well… As crazy as this may sound (and it does sound crazy), I’m pregnant! This is also something I thought would never happen again. I was actually dead set on it not happening, my we’re happy about it and my 4 (almost 5) year old daughter is ecstatic about being a big sister.

What I mean by not exactly alive and well per se…

I’m only a little over 10 weeks pregnant and I’ve had “morning sickness” non stop. I mean like bad! If I throw up once, I’m throwing up the rest of the day. I have felt so sick that I couldn’t even move. It wasn’t like this with my first. I’m also having pain with this one in my hips. I’m having heartburn really early too. This one’s going to be rough. We’re hoping for a boy but my daughter wants it to be a girl.

New things

I’ve changed a lot in my life in the past few months… I kicked al the negative people out of my life and I did that before I even found out I was pregnant. I can’t deal with anymore drama and people pretending they are actually my friends.

Back in August, my car broke down for good. It is almost a 20 year old car so I wasn’t willing to put more money into it just to have it break down again, but I got a new car in September. Back in March, I quit my technical support job because I was being treated like shit. I just started my new job on November 2nd and I’m getting paid $2 more an hour than my last job!

A lot of good has happened but my mental health has actually declined…

Bang pregnant has really taken a toll on me mentally, physically and emotionally. It seems like my sad days have increased. My overall tiredness is at its max and I feel like I could sleep for weeks but my anxiety and insomnia won’t even allow me to sleep a full 6 hours.

Even though I know I have a solid man in my life who is going to stick by my side through all of this, I still have a lot of fear caused by my past. My past has left me with a lot of visible scars. There are things I thought I got past but really haven’t and it damaged me more by rushing my healing process.

Don’t rush healing y’all

One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made was rushing my healing and forgiving and letting go when I wasn’t ready to. It worsened my mental health. I’ve bled on those who did not cut me because of it.

When I first started dating my boyfriend back in May, everything was going great for like the first month… Then my anxiety and PTSD from my past kicked in and I started having nightly panic attacks with flashbacks… It was every single night. I finally reached my breaking point and pretty much kicked everyone out of my life so I could try and heal with no distractions. Best decision I ever made because later I found out that the people I kicked out of my life were talking bad about me behind my back. I literally lost all trust for everyone again.

I’m not there yet…

I’m no where near where I want to be mentally but that’s the point of healing. I still have panic attacks almost on a weekly basis. I don’t sleep for more than 4 hours consistently a night and my new thing is nightmares. Yup… I’ve been having God awful nightmares that I’ll wake up feeling so scared from and can’t even talk about, which is not something that’s happened to me since I was a kid.

I’ll attempt to be more consistent

I make no promises, but I’ll try to be more consistent with blogging. Pregnancy brain is real this time around and I’m forgetting everything. It also doesn’t help that I have a lot going on on top of my mental health and where it’s at right now, but blogging has always been an outlet for me so I’m really going to try and do it more.

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Let me tell you bout my mama

I’m not the best at picking out guys, I’ll admit. I’ve gotten hurt by pretty much all of them… I remember what the hurt felt like from everyone of them, but what I didn’t realize until I became a mom was that it wasn’t just hurting me…

My mom was right by my side though EVERY hurt I experienced. She was there through every trial I went through. When I cried, she did to.

16 year old me

When I was in my teenage years, I was dating someone who was very verbally abusive and he was always yelling at me. One day when we were in my room, he’d yelled at me and punched a hole in my wall and my mom was the first one in the room to threaten him.

Early 20s

I remember once shortly after I first moved out and into my own place, I was really having a hard time with a guy I was dating and just needed space, but he followed me for days. He followed me to work, was there when I got off and even followed me to friends houses. My mom said, “Just come over and stay here for a while, he won’t get past me.”

My adult life

About 5 years ago, I called my mom after I had gotten into a fight with my boyfriend at the time. I was telling her how ugly and unloved and just unnecessary I felt and she told me that I needed to get dressed and put my makeup on and she’d be there to pick me up.

My last relationship was a train wreck that literally shredded every good thing about me to pieces. This was the hardest relationship of mine for my mom to watch, but she was there from day one of it and still is even after I told him I wanted a divorce. She didn’t once tell me I was stupid for staying (even though I know she was thinking it), but she never left my side when bad things happened even though she knew they were going to happen.

This woman

My mom has seen the absolute worst of me. When I say worst, I mean like she wouldn’t let me drive and wanted to take me to the hospital kind of worst. She was there when I mentally wasn’t. She held me when I wanted to just die. She picked me up NUMEROUS times and didn’t let me just fall. She has been my rock in ALL of my hard times. She’s been my support in so many ways and still is…

One time when she was crying with me, I asked her why she was crying and she said, “Because my daughter is hurt and when you’re hurt, I hurt for you.” At the time I didn’t really get it, but now being a mom, it makes perfect sense.

I don’t think she really knows what it means to me to have the constant love and support that she’s given me. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be alive.

Love you Mama.

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The mommy blogger tag

So I was nominated for this awesome Mommy blogger tag created by Rachel from The coffee Mamma. Thanks girl, for this nomination.

Rules:

  • Thank whoever tagged you and link back to their website.
  • Share the rules in your post.
  • Tag Rachel, The Coffee Mamma.
  • Answer the questions.
  • Tag at least 3-5 Mom Bloggers at the end of your post.

So, obviously you’re a mom, how many kids do you have? Genders? Ages?

I have one biological and she is 3 and a half. I have a 16 year old step son and a 6 year old step daughter

Are your children close in age or further apart in age?

My two youngest are closest in age ( 2 and a half years apart) and my 16 year old is obviously way further in age than his sisters.

Did you have a Vaginal Birth or C Section?

Vaginal birth all the way.

Pro-Life or Pro-Choice?

Pro-Life…. I have my reason that I choose not to discuss because I am not here to offend anyone and their views.

Have you shared your labor story on your blog yet?

I don’t believe I have, which is odd because there are some funny stories about it. Stay tuned for a birth story update….

What is the thing you find most challenging about being a mommy blogger?

I don’t have anything specifically challenging about being a mommy blogger in general but I do have writers block a lot when it comes to blogging in general.

What’s the most challenging thing about being a Mom for you?

I think the most challenging thing is with all my kids is realizing that they are all different. Their feelings, their likes and dislikes and what strategies work with punishment, rewarding and just talking to them. All three are so different. My 3 year old is so stubborn and hard headed so there is no talking to her unless she is ready. My 6 year old is very sensitive and gets her feelings hurt easily. My 16 year old will just shut everyone out when there is something wrong with him. I can usually get him to talk to me but he is like an onion, have to peal him back a layer at a time.

What were you doing when you went into Labor?

Laying in the hospital bed. I was induced. Lol

Baby Stats?

My three year old was 7lbs 4oz and 21 and a half inches long. I am not sure of my step kids. I know, horrible step mom.

Thoughts on circumcision?

I personally think it is a good thing, but I did not have a boy so I never looked into it.

What were your first thoughts when you found out you were pregnant?

“Oh, shit!” My pregnancy was a total surprise and I was terrified but ecstatic at the same time.

What’s your child’s favorite toy?

She has many favorites in her different phases, but right now it’s her go fishing game.

What is one thing you miss about before you became a Mom?

Most mom’s will say sleep, but I never really slept before I had my daughter. I don’t really miss anything. I didn’t feel like my life meant anything before I had her.

What do you love most about being a Mom?

Watching her grow and learn new things. Also watching her little personality develop more and more.

What do you dislike most about being a Mom? (really couldn’t bring myself to use the word hate)

The constant battle I have with my 4 year old going to bed. The teenage attitude with my teenager and the lying with my 6 year old.

What is the thing you love most about being a mommy blogger?

I love the raw honesty of being a mommy blogger because motherhood is raw and unfiltered. I don’t care how some moms act like their life is perfect with kids, because I know they are lying. I like to blog about the raw facts about motherhood to let other struggling moms know that they aren’t alone.

Whether blogging is your full-time job or not would you change your full-time job? What would you do, what’s your dream job?

Blogging is not my full-time job even though I wish it was. I am a tech support specialist for a security and I hate it. I don’t hate being tech support, but I hate the company I work for.

What are your fave diapers to use?

I have used many. When my daughter was little, I used Luvs. When she got a little older, I used Parent’s choice because they seemed to work best at that time and then when she started moving more, Huggies little movers were the ones I stuck with.

Was your partner a big help or were they just in the way the first few weeks after giving birth?

This is a hard question for me… He wasn’t really a big help for the first year and a half of her life. I was so sleep deprived and got no help.

What is the last thing your child cried about?

Literally because I would not give her a third cupcake. -_-

What’s the one thing that puts a smile on your child’s face?

Food. Literally food all day, everyday.

What surprised you most about being pregnant?

How many friends I lost when I became pregnant. Blessing in disguise really.

How did your partner hold up during labor?

He was asleep for most of it and then when it was time to push, my mom woke him up to hold my leg…

What was the first symptom that made you think you’re pregnant?

Odd story really. I was at a bar with my babies father, and I ordered a glass of wine and I did not have the taste for it…. Which was odd, because I LOVE wine. That’s when he suggested I take a pregnancy test and BAM, I was pregnant.

How did you tell your partner? How did they react?

My ex- partner was with me when I took the test.

What old wives tales were you told during your pregnancy?

I was told the whole heartburn and hair thing which is not true because I had terrible heartburn at the end of my pregnancy and she was born with little hair.

Who do your kids look like?

I think my daughter looks more like me and obviously his kids look more like him than me. His son looks exactly like him and his 6 year old looks like her mother. The funny thing is, all three kids look alike so much even though they all have different moms.

What unusual dreams did you have while pregnant? Did you have any after giving birth?

I would have dreams of having twins or that the baby had something wrong with them. Terrible dreams.

When did you first feel your baby kicking?

The first time I really felt her kick was when I was driving in my car, blasting Aerosmith- Don’t want to miss a thing. Every since then, she would go nuts when I played music.

Do you use medication?

She doesn’t take any medication, but I do and I won’t go into detail about that other than saying I use inhalers for asthma.

Any funny ultrasound stories?

She would hide her face at almost every ultrasound appointment. Funny thing was, she would hide her face with her feet.

Did you get their ears pierced? how young were they?

I still haven’t gotten her ears pierced. I thought about doing it when she was younger but she went through a phase where she would like to play with her ears.

What did you dislike about being pregnant?

I didn’t mind any of it really, except for the last month. My morning sickness only lasted like 2 months. I never really had any extensive pains. Just uncomfortable most the time. The last month was terrible. I was huge, couldn’t fit into anything, had severe heartburn, tailbone pain to the point that I would cry sitting down and standing up.

How many people did you know that we’re pregnant at the same time as you?

Two oddly enough. literally like 2 weeks away from my due date. Now, my daughter calls my friend, Gina’s son who is about 2 weeks older, her boyfriend.

Did you have a midwife or a doula?

No I didn’t, but I wish I did. It actually kinda makes me sad, because I do not want anymore children for personal reasons.

What is the cutest thing your child does?

Her weird “Shake and spank” dance. She will shake back and forth while spanking her butt with both hands. LOL

Breastfeed or Formula?

I I breastfed and supplemented for the first 5 months but she was just too hungry and my milk would just not come in enough no matter what I did. I also had a lot of stress during this time. I would not say Breast is best because FED is best. Yes, breast milk will always be more natural but formula is so advanced now that it has all the nutrients that a baby needs.

What’s your favorite thing to do with a babe?

Snuggle and tickle them.

Was your labor easy?

Hell yes. I did not feel a thing. Stay tuned for my birth story

How long did it take after giving birth until it sank in that you’re actually a Mom now?

From when I pushed her out to them laying her on my chest. I was waiting to be a mom.

How often do you have a Date night?

Define date night… I sometimes go get carne asada fries by myself… That count?

How often do you see your Mommy friends?

For the first year of her life, I didn’t really hang out with any mommy friends. I see my few mommy friends pretty often actually.

How old were you when you had your first child?

I had her at 25. I became a step mom at 22.

Do you vaccinate your kids?

I sure do.

Was babe a good feeder when they were first born?

She latched pretty good but I did not produce enough so she was always on the boob…

If you breastfed how long did it take for your milk to come in? Did you use any tricks?

It took about a week for my milk to fully come in but I never produced a lot. I tried every trick in the book to get my milk up but nothing worked for me.

How did your family react to you being pregnant?

Well…. Some said, “Shit, that sucks…” (because they didn’t like the baby daddy) and some were excited and were so happy for me because they knew how badly I wanted to be a mom.

Did you share the name before birth? Does their name have a story behind it?

Yes I shared her name before birth. So we named her Averie because I liked the sound of the name. Story behind her first name: I was working at walmart as a cashier years before I got pregnant. and I heard a customer call their adorable littler girl that name and it stuck with me ever since. Her middle name is a hyphened name. Particia-Lee; Patricia after her Dad’s late mother’s name and Lee for after my late Grandpa.

Did your baby take to the crib? Do you co-sleep? Did you sleep train?

SO for the first like 6 months, she slept either in bed with me, or in a swing and rock N play next to my bed. Then I sleep trained her for the crib because she’s too crazy to sleep with.

When do you do most of your blogging? Do you have a routine? Are you actually able to stick to it? If so how lol?

I do most of my blogging during my work from home job. LOL I will get ideas through out the day and I will jot them down on my phone and then put them all together from the hours of 4AM TO 12:30PM. Lol I did have a routine but then mom life gets in the way, work gets in the way and then I get writers block, but I try and make sure I at least get one post in a week. I try to write posts in advance and schedule them accordingly. What I have found helps keep you blogging consistently is having weekly topics. For example, I do Friday rants.

Do you involve your children in your blogging world? How? Do you hide them from it as to protect them?

None of my kids are really interested in my blogging life. I have a teenage BOY who ignores everyone. My girls are too little to care, really.

What’s you’re a favorite way to spend time treating yourself or indulging in self-care?

I love watching Ghost Adventures alone in my room in the dark. I like to use essentials for self care.

What was your most unusual craving during pregnancy?

Broccoli. I loved every kind of broccoli. My entire pregnancy.

What’s was the hardest part about being pregnant for you?

The tailbone pain at the end of my pregnancy was unbearably painful.

How do you make time for yourself?

I don’t. My daughter stays up later than I do. I will sometimes lock myself in the bathroom while I pee just to get kid free peace. lol

What’s the funniest thing your kid has done?

Right now, it’s her shake and spank.

Did you run into any Postpartum Health concerns?

Yes. I also had depression before I got pregnant and a lot of things happened during and after pregnancy so I was bound to have postpartum depression.

Do you consider your niche strictly mommy & baby or do you branch out?

I branch out. It’s more of a mommy/ lifestyle blog / everything blog. Lol I blog what I feel.

Do you have a Bad Habit?

Oh, I have many. Swearing is a big one and no I am not working on it. None of my kids swear in front of me or other adults so I don’t see a problem.

Did you nest?

I nested my WHOLE pregnancy. I am naturally a clean freak anyways. Getting pregnant just made it worse. Lol

Did you pack a labour bag? What was the most useful thing you packed?

Yes I did and I would have to say PJ’s and slippers were most useful. lol

Are you done having kids?

Yes yes yes yes yes. After this pregnancy and the situation I was in, I an not opened at all to having another one. NOPE.

Do you Meal Plan?

If by meal plan you mean planning dinner for that same day, then yes, I meal plan. lol

Did you Baby Proof?

Oh, I baby proofed EVERYTHING. I was a first time paranoid mom. It didn’t really help though, she got passed most the baby proofing. lol

What are you and your children into right now?

Swimming and watching movies together.

Does your family budget? What are the top 3 things you consider when budgeting?

I budget… I plan for everything from bills, to food to extras we might need and some fun.

What’s one thing you would have done differently if you had the chance?

Um, not got married.

What is the one thing you’d never change?

My past because it made me who I am today and it made me realize my strength.

Someone you trust 100% offers to watch your kids for the night what are you doing?

Go play bingo. lol

What chore do you hate the most?

Doing dishes. I despise dishes.

My Nominees:

Demi Mitchell from The Lupie Momma
Amy from The adventures of a mom with a wife
Toya from The Life with LaToya
Sarah from Momin’ in the real world

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I know it’s hard, but you can do it

“This is a story all about how my life got, flipped, turned upside down…”
Yes, I did quote Fresh Prince of Bel Air, because that show is life! If you haven’t seen that TV show, then you must live under a rock or something…

Anyways… So, I am getting a divorce. Yes, I am okay and no, I am not okay. I am okay, because it needs to be done. I have to be able to live my life to the full extent without living in sadness. I am okay because I now know my strength and I know this is right for me. The reason why I am also not okay is because the last 6 years have damaged me to the fullest extent. Things have happened that I have to remember for the rest of my life, like the utter feelings of dread and sheer sadness. (I will not being going into grave details of what happened in the last 6 years because it’s not necessary for anyone to feel hatred or sadness for me or my soon to be Ex. Trust me when I say, I have felt enough of that.)

I was in a very toxic relationship for the last 6 years and even got married knowing how toxic it was. I was belittled, verbally and mentally. I was used and taken for granted. I was betrayed and lied to, but worst of all, I lost my self confidence and self worth and even at one point, I wanted to die. I knew how toxic it was and I stayed…. I gave this person so many chances to change and every single chance I gave, they blew them, but I stayed anyways. I felt unloved, unwanted and like I could never make someone happy. I relied on another person to make me happy and that’s the biggest mistake I ever made. I let someone dictate my life and happiness which is why I felt like I could never leave…

I started going to Utah a lot to spend time with my only Grandma and she helped open my eyes to reality. She made me realize that happiness comes from within and if you don’t have happiness in yourself, you don’t have anything really. I did a complete 360. I made the choice to finally leave the toxic life I was living for so long, knowing it would probably be hard and that I would probably have moments of vulnerability. I realized that I was only staying because it was in some sense, easier. Which is true, in some aspects, but taking the easy route meant misery and regret and why would I want to continue to live my life that way? I DESERVE to be happy. I DESERVE to be happy for my daughter and she deserves to see her mom happy.

Are you in a toxic relationship?

Do you feel like you are belittled, manipulated, used and just feel unloved by the person you are with? Has this person hurt you to the point of losing yourself and your confidence? Has this person lied to you countless time to the point that you don’t feel like you believe anything that comes out of their mouth? Have you given this person multiple chances to change and no change has happened? Then you need to leave. I know it’s hard and you feel like it would be easier for you/ your children if you just stayed and dealt with it, but you DESERVE happiness too. REAL happiness. You need to teach your children that it is not okay for someone to treat another the way you are being treated. You think they don’t see it, but you are wrong…. They see it… Sadly, my daughter and my two step kids have seen a good percentage of what was done to me. I wish I would of left sooner before it go to the point of them seeing anything… I have to live with that everyday.
Yes, people make mistakes, but is it really even a mistake anymore if it’s always happening? No, it’s choice at that point and then manipulation.

You are worth more than you think!

I feel like I wasted 6 years of my life because I was too scared to leave. 6 years I won’t be able to get back! 6 years that I could of been truly happy. Don’t make the same mistake I did and stay over and over because it seems easier. You may not think that’s why you are staying, but why would you even think about leaving in the first place if it weren’t? Change is scary but living 10+ years not truly happy is even more scary. I missed out on so many opportunities. I lost a lot of friends, best friends too. I lost respect of a lot of people and I brought the toxicity into my families lives…

It’s not okay

No kind of abuse is okay. Even though I was never physically abused, I was severely mentally and emotionally abused and these kinds of abuse can sometimes be worse than physical abuse… All abuse is wrong though and you should not settler for it.

You got this, I promise

I have been where you are at. I know the feelings you are feeling. I know… You have so much strength inside of you that was hidden away. You just need to realize it and find it again. You got this. You may not know it yet, but you got this. You will eventually find that strength and change your life. That hurt you feel will eventually fade away and you’ll realize, “Fuck this shit. I’m a bad bitch and I deserve better than this.”

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I am at a loss with my three year old

I know this is probably most three year old’s but I have been struggling with mine for over a month. She has been beyond moody, ruthless, stubborn and hard headed. It is a battle with her about EVERYTHING. When I say everything, I literally mean everything.

Dinner time

She will demand food all day and if she doesn’t get what she wants, she throws a huge tantrum. She says she’s hungry all the time but when it’s dinner time, she wants nothing to do with it, even if it’s food she loves. Las night was one of the worst nights. I didn’t let her snack all day like she wanted so she should of been hungry by dinner but she refused to eat more than one bite. My mom even tried to get her to eat by hand feeding her and she just spit it out and screamed no. After multiple attempts of trying to get her to eat, I gave up and stuck her in time out for not listening and being rude to everyone, which lead to a meltdown.

Bedtime

Every single night is a battle with getting her to lay down, no matter how tired she is. She tells me things like, “I can’t sleep!”, “I don’t like my bed!”, I’m scared of my bed” ( even though she is not) or she’ll just say straight NO to me. Last night was one of the worst nights ever because of the melt down over dinner. She would not stay in her bed. She kept jumping on her bed, throwing things, yelled at me, screamed, told me she didn’t like me, and just refused to lay down. This lasted for about 2 hours and got to the point where I had to just ignore her because anything I did or say was not working.

Not getting her way

Oh boy, if she doesn’t get her way when she wants it, the world has ended. She screams and stomps her feet and tells me that it isn’t fair while crossing her arms (This she picked up from someone else’s kid a while back.-_-).
There is absolutely no reasoning with her. If it’s not her way when she wants, her whole day is ruined.

Her favorite things to tell me lately

  • I don’t like you
  • You’re mean
  • No way Jose
  • Too bad, so sad
  • Want me to pinch you?
  • No no no no

Everyone keeps telling me that the way she’s acting is a three year old thing and that she’ll grow out of it, but I keep thinking, what if she doesn’t? What if I am stuck with this as a teenager?! Lord help me. I need all positive thoughts and wine sent my way for this child.

Any of you mama’s going through the same thing? Please tell me I am not the only one losing my sanity!