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Protect your energy

It’s been a long while since I’ve blogged about anything. My life got crazy to say the least. I got pregnant and had a baby boy in May which I’ll be writing about soon.

Being an empath can be hard

Lately I’ve been really trying to focus on my own energy and trying to protect it because of all the negativity that’s been in my life lately. Being an empath, tension and negative energy affect me on a deeper level. I take in what everyone else is feeling and projecting to the point where I physically get sick.

There are downfalls

Downfall about being an empath is I take on what others are feeling like they are my own feelings instead of just feeling empathy for others. I sometimes can’t help but to do this, especially with the people that mean a lot to me. I want to be there for them because I know what it feels like to be alone and need someone there, so I always try to be that person, even though it can negatively affect me.

When to get help

I finally started seeing a therapist like 5 months ago on a weekly basis for my mental health and at our last session, I talked to her about all the drama and tension that others keep bringing to my life and how it’s affecting me and she said that I need to set boundaries to protect my energy. When I told her that it’s hard for me to not be there for people that are hurting or going through something, she said, “How are you going to be any help for them if you’re not in the right state of mind because of all the tension you take in?” She’s right.

I’m being distant for my own good

I’ve been distancing myself from everyone. I’ve been trying to protect my energy. I have to set boundaries to protect my energy. I realized that when I don’t set boundaries to protect me, I am physically and severely mentally affected by it. My moods also change to the point where I don’t even know who I’m looking at when I look in the mirror… I will shut down completely and I can’t do that because my kids need me.

Sorry, not sorry. I need to protect me

To those who haven’t heard from me in while or haven’t seen me in a while, it’s nothing personal, I just need to protect me.

Take my survey!

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Are you enabling someone?

I don’t know how I’m getting these random ideas for blog posts lately, probably because I am quarantined in my house with my own thoughts running wild. Today’s topic is enablers.

There are many different kind of enablers. What is an enabler you ask?

An enabler is someone who is not helping a situation. It’s someone who is allowing the bad things/actions to continue. Here are some examples:

1. You find out that your grown ass kid whom is living in your house is on drugs. You see them going downhill and doing absolutely nothing positive for their life. They get to the point where they are overdosing, lying and stealing. This is the point where you need to take action and kick them out of your house. If you don’t, all you’re doing is giving them a roof to where they can do their drugs and take advantage of you underneath it. You’re an enabler.

2. You go to the doctor’s with your significant other and the doctor tells them that they are overweight and very unhealthy and it can become life-threatening if they do not change their ways, but you’re enabling them by not helping them get on the right track. You’re enabling them by going out and getting them fattening food. You’re enabling them if you’re telling them that they are beautiful the way that they are. You’re an enabler.

3. So you find yourself in a relationship with someone who is very toxic for you. They are verbally, mentally and emotionally and physically abusive, but you stay. You don’t tell anyone the truth about what’s really going on, and you stay with them. You’re enabling their behavior by not standing up to them and getting yourself out of that toxic situation. You’re making them think that it’s okay for them to treat you like you’re trash.

Tough love and ultimatums

Being in any one of these situations is hard, I know, trust me, but you’re not doing them any favors by enabling their behavior and their ways of living and you’re definitely not doing yourself any favors by doing that either. Tough love and ultimatums people, that’s what we need to do. Whatever they choose to do after is their decision, and you should not feel bad in any way.

This is my two cents for the day.

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9 ways your toxic partner is negatively affecting you

In a relationship, you are suppose to build each other up, not tear each other down. You are suppose to grow together and be able to count on one another. Do you feel like you are trapped in the idea of how a relationship should be and not actually in a real relationship? Here are some signs that your significant other is more toxic than than beneficial to your health.

Your social skill have changed

You use to be able to strike up a conversation with anyone. You use to be able to find a common interest with anyone.

Now, you barely talk. You aren’t that chatterbox outgoing person that you were before because now you fear saying the wrong thing. You fear that what you say will be misinterpreted. You fear that your significant other will think wrong about what you say to others.

You feel drained in every way possible the majority of the time

You have little to no motivation left for anything, not even something as simple as taking a shower. You are running on a 1% and anything feels like a demanding task. You just feel empty.

They have literally rid your soul of it’s will to go on…

Restful nights are completely non-existent

You don’t remember when the last time you went to bed happy and actually slept. You are up all night wondering what you did wrong earlier that day. When you finally do fall asleep, it usually comes with tears and anxiety.

Being with someone toxic who is slowly dragging you down means that your life is surrounded with a scary amount of negativity, which prohibits you from being able to sleep peacefully

Your toxic significant other is affecting your sleep and now your health to a scary degree.

You have lost a lot of friends

You find yourself making excuses to not go out with your friends anymore. As much as you want to, you also don’t want to be accused of doing something wrong by your significant other. Your friends don’t recognize the person you have become and tell you how worried they are about you often, but you are too afraid to tell them how you feel, because you are afraid of what your significant other will think if they found out.

You notice that less and less friends even call you anymore to invite you out.

Your significant other is literally isolating you.

Worry has become your best friend

You constantly worry and have anxiety about everything. Literally everything. You worry so much that you make yourself physically sick over it. You feel like your whole day was wasted and filled with anxiety

You feel your anxiety taking complete control, but you have no emotional or physical energy to address it.

Your physical and mental health has plumeted

You feel unwell most of the time. You always seem to have something wrong. You always find yourself in the emergency room or doctor’s office.

You just don’t feel like yourself anymore, and just want everything to end because that seems easier.

They are literally draining your health to the point where you NEED to depend on them.

Disappearing feels like the only option

You feel like you are stuck and can’t get out the the toxic cycle you are in, so ‘disappearing’ seems like the only logical solution.

You feel like no one will miss you anyways, so why not.

They have have literally sucked all the self worth you use to have, out of you.

You constantly question yourself

Even when you haven’t done anything wrong, you blame yourself all of the time. You blame yourself for your significant other’s actions. You also blame yourself for the reason why they don’t show you the love you show them.

You honestly feel like you did something so horrible to make them not love you…. Even though you know deep down that you didn’t…

They are able to manipulate you into thinking whatever they want you too think, when they want you to think it.

You always feel like something is missing in your life

You feel like your life is always incomplete, like there is something missing, but you don’t know what. You feel like nothing will get better.

As much as you want things to get better and you want to fill that void, you have no idea how.

You need to reach out

I am here to tell you guys that I really know how you feel. That sound cliche, but I have been where you are and it’s hard. Beyond hard, but you can get out of it and find yourself again.

You are worth more than your significant other is making you feel. You are important and you matter.

I know it’s hard, but you need to find that strength you once had to leave that toxic relationship, because it’ll only get harder if you don’t.

You need to trust your gut and act on it, not ignore it. You have more strength than you realize, you just have to find a support system to help you remember that.

If you are having thoughts of suicide, please please please reach out to loved ones or call the National Suicide prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

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When I needed you, you weren’t there

This post isn’t about anyone specifically, but about every time I turned to someone, how they turned me down. I know, this seems like a downer post, but it’s to help everyone who has been turned down and to those who didn’t listen to their loved one who needed them. I will not be naming who specifically said these things.

They weren’t there when I needed them

When I was having a hard time with my relationship with my soon to be Ex- husband, I turned to my friend to vent and told her what my thoughts were and how I was feeling, which was utterly shattered. I told her I was thinking of divorce because of all the mental abuse, cheating and lying I was put through. Her response: “Divorce is a sin. You should go to church.”

I went to a family member about how I was feeling about my anxiety sky rocketing and how it was affecting my everyday life. I was having constant anxiety all the time and didn’t know what to do. Family member’s response: “Anxiety is all in your head, you can control it.”

I use to have multiple panic attacks a week. I would be in the bathroom, on the floor crying and hyperventilating and just hoping to die so the sadness ends. I just needed to be reassured that I wasn’t alone and just to have someone there with me. Instead I was told: “What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you freaking out?! I am going to call the cops if you don’t stop.”

When I was struggling in all ways possible and just needed advice, I went to a family member about everything and didn’t get the advice I should have gotten. Family member’s response: “You got yourself in that situation. I don’t know how to help you.”

I was always there for everyone when they needed me, even though I knew I was being used as a last resort friend. I never turned anyone down when they said they needed a person to talk to and I never will. I don’t care if we aren’t really friends, haven’t talked in months, don’t really like each other… It doesn’t matter to me because your life matters. Your feelings matter and your health and mental health matters and if the people who should care most about you in your life don’t show you that, I will. From one human to another.

Thank you. You more than likely saved my life. I use to be in a REALLY dark place and y’all shined light into my world of darkness. You helped me realize my strength and my worth again. You’ve restored some of my faith in humanity. You’ve helped me rediscover who I am and I am more than grateful.

If you love and care about someone, then it shouldn’t be so hard to be there for them. Don’t belittle their feelings or their mental health. Mental Health Matters more than you obviously understand. Its apparent that you guys also have mental health issues if it’s so hard to be compassionate towards others. Actually LOVE your loved ones, or you may lose them… You don’t have to give advice, but you could just listen and remind them of their strength they have and how you’ll be there through every step of getting better.

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Being an Empath is terrible for my anxiety

As you all know, I am a walking ball of anxiety. Well, being an empath does not help that at all. Sometimes I love being an empath but when it comes to my anxiety, I hate it.

Pros of being an empath

  • Can pick up on tension in a crowd and leave the situation
  • You know when something is wrong with someone by the look on their face or the tone in their voice and can offer help
  • You feel what others feel
  • Makes you compassionate
  • When I am surrounded by people who are happy, I can absorb their happiness

Cons of being an empath

  • Sense tension within family and try to help even when they don’t want it
  • All the emotions and tension you pick up on causes anxiety and sadness to yourself
  • You tend to care more about other’s feelings rather than your own
  • You neglect your own emotions and feelings because you feel so much of everyone else’s.

I pick up on even the slightest tension or mood change from the people around me. I like that I am this way and can feel their emotions because then I can help them with the issue they are having, but it’s also terrible for my anxiety. When there is drama in my family (What family doesn’t have drama?) and someone is mad at me for reasons I am not aware of, I can feel that anger and tension to the max, so much that it makes me literally sick to my stomach and just uncomfortable. This is the worst part of being an empath because I already have anxiety so it amplifies my anxiety by what feels like, a million.

Tough lessons Empaths must learn to be empowered and healthy

  • You can’t save everyone
  • Sometimes you can’t save the one you want to, either.
  • If a situation is awful, you must get out even if others won’t
  • Putting up healthy boundaries will piss people off, do it anyways to protect yourself
  • Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s essential
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All Mental Health Matters

Mental Health Matters

What is Mental Health?

A mental illness is a physical illness of the brain that causes disturbances in thinking, behavior, energy or emotion that make it difficult to cope with the ordinary demands of life. Research is starting to uncover the complicated causes of these diseases which can include genetics, brain chemistry, brain structure, experiencing trauma and/or having another medical condition, like heart disease.

Inherited traits. Mental illness is more common in people whose blood relatives also have a mental illness. Certain genes may increase your risk of developing a mental illness, and your life situation m (1)

What does Mental Illness do to your brain?

Most scientists believe that mental illnesses result from problems with the communication between neurons in the brain (neurotransmission). For example, the level of the neurotransmitter serotonin is lower in individuals who have depression. This finding led to the development of certain medications for the illness.

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I am still not understanding why mental health isn’t understood by all. It affects your BRAIN people. The motherboard of your body. People are made fun of, belittled and just thrown to the side when there is actually something serious going on. Everyone needs to get on board with Mental Health Awareness and have more compassion and understanding. 

Here is an AWESOME human being. Her name is Lucy Bassett and she is the owner of Hello Stigma. You can also find her on Etsy where she sells “all things mental health, positivity and pick-me-up- gifts”.  She’s also on Instagram as well. 

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A bit of what she sells in support of Mental Health

 

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Stories of those who suffer from a mental illness

 

 

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Mental Illnesses can affect every part of your life. It can change your personality, your habits and your state of mind. It is a REAL thing. I really wish we were making it up, but that’s not the case. 

What you can do to support Mental Health

Ask. Ask your friends and family who suffer from a mental illness how they are doing and if you can help in anyways.

Listen. Really listen to those who suffer. Don’t belittle or toss them to the side. They need the support but sometimes don’t know how to ask for it.

Educate yourself. Research the different types of mental health illnesses so you can get a better understanding of what your loved ones are going through.

Tell your story. Have you personally struggled or currently struggle with mental illness? Don’t hesitate to tell friends and family about it. Your story can encourage others to ask for help.

Stand up for someone. Watch out for bullying and stand up for that person, as this can lead issues such as depression.

Memorize suicide hotline. 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You never know when someone might need it. 

 

My Story.

I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Depression. For me, anxiety and depression is the most awful combination ever. Because of my depression, I lack motivation/desire to do anything. I have frequent mood changes. Having anxiety makes my depression a million times worse. I have no motivation to do anything, like clean my house but then my anxiety goes nuts because my house is so disorganized. One of my other struggles with anxiety is not being able to shut my mind off at night and over thinking everything. I’m also pretty negative about everything and don’t know that I am being that way. 

I’ve coped with these by going to a psychiatrist and therapist as well as talking to others who suffer from what I do. The best way I’ve found to cope is by blogging about it. 

I wish everyone would understand that My mental Illnesses aren’t my choice. They aren’t something I am making up. I’m not doing anything to get attention. I also want people to understand that my depression and anxiety keeps me from really enjoying life the way I really want to- it keeps me from going out and seeing friends, or even just being social. 

The advice I can give would be to seek help. Call a friend or family member or even go to therapy like I am. Don’t me ashamed to ask for help. Everyone needs help in their life at some point. One of the biggest pieces of advice I can give is to cut the negativity out of your life. Whether that be people, jobs or situations. You don’t need anything else giving you anxiety. 

 

Make a difference and support Mental Health because 

Mental Health Matters.

 

Jessie