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2019 round-up

Even though 2019 was a shitty year in my opinion, I am going to try and pull the good things from it that I experienced and my favorite things from 2019. Bear with me, y’all.

Utah trips

I got to travel down to Utah multiple times throughout 2019 to see my Grandma. My best friend and I would go for a weekend and we started going every other weekend. While being there so often, we made new friends, gained new hobbies and just found some happiness and time away from our everyday lives. I got really into collecting rocks and there’s a place in Springdale Utah that has a rock store that we get 99% of our rocks from.

Coffee coffee coffee

Since going to Utah, I have become addicted to a coffee place there called River Rock Coffee. I never use to like coffee but then I started drinking cold coffee and now because of this coffee shop, I drink hot coffee, but only their hot coffee. In just one weekend, we are probably at the coffee place at least 10 times. It’s sooooo good.

Painting became a hobby

I started painting and looking for rocks with my sister, Ashlee. It became a regular and addictive thing, to look for these hidden rocks. I really got into painting them though. I believe I’ve painted over 300 rocks altogether. I realized that I am actually pretty good at painting and started painting canvases. This year, I gave custom painted canvases as Christmas presents.

Nelly!!

My best friend and I went to a concert on Freemont street in Las Vegas to see Nelly. One of my favorite artist’s since before my teenage years! Although it was jammed pack, like shoulder to shoulder packed and you could smell others body odors, we had a blast and got to cross seeing Nelly off our list! Will we ever go to a free concert on Freemont street again? Hell no, but we enjoyed it.

My hair grew back

Back in 2016, my hair was butchered (Read about it here). It was such an awkward length for what seemed like forever that I couldn’t do anything with it. in 2019, I was finally able to put in back in a hair tie! Something I wasn’t able to do for 2 years! Now it’s at a decent length where I can do all kinds of things to it! Props to my hair girl Teddi who fixed it in the first place!

Tattoo with the best friend

My best friend got me a tattoo for my birthday in November! I got my first tattoo in a garage for $40, and yes, it looks like a $40 tattoo. It’s terrible, but it has a lot of memories behind it so, I don’t think I will ever cover it up. Touch it up maybe because the lines are blown out and it’s just all around a really poorly done tattoo. My tattoo that my best friend got me is done amazingly… probably because it wasn’t done for $40 by a guy in a garage.

The best things I got in 2019!

My dog: I got my rescue puppy, Peanut in 2019 and she is the best thing I obtained. She is my shadow and I just love her.
Alexa Echo: I freaking love this thing! It does everything. I control my lights and my TV with it. It can control SO much more though. I use it for my alarms, my grocery list, to-do list, reminders, and for calling. I am obsessed with this and I highly recommend it!
Rocks: As funny as this sounds, I got A LOT of really awesome rocks in 2019. I got all my rocks in 2019 actually. My room is filled with them. I also won a giant piece of Honeycomb calcite in a silent auction for dirt cheap.

The foods I was addicted to in 2019

Carne Asada Fries– I ate so much of this and I am pretty sure that’s why I gained 10 lbs.
French Toast: My best friend and I went to breakfast A LOT in 2019 and we ate A LOT of french toast!
Potato Soup: I LOVE potato soup and have pretty much survived off of it in 2019. I know, I know, so much starch. lol
Tacos: Not taco’s like taco bell, but like REAL tacos. I REALLY love El Pollo Loco’s tacos!
Avocado: I love Avocado on pretty much anything. Anything that has to do with avocado, I love it.
BLT’S: I ate so many BLT’s. Like my whole body weight in BLT’s WITH avocado!!!

2019 was a really painfully hard and shitty year for me. I was lied to, cheated on, betrayed and was sick like 90% of the year. I found out that I have asthma, carpel tunnel and issues with my lower back and hips. I also have sinus issues. Literally I have felt the sick for the whole year. I still wanted to try and remember the good that came from it though, hence this post.

What did you like about 2019? Did you take any trips or discover something new?

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Goodbye 2019

2019 was a pretty hard year… Alright, 2019 sucked ass! I had nothing but hurt, deceit, and sickness the whole fucking year.

I was lied to by those close to me.

I was cheated on.

My anxiety worsened.

My depression worsened.

Panic attacks all over the damn place.

I was played.

I was used.

I lost trust in just about everyone.

My health declined.

I hated this year. There were some good things, of course, but the bad was more present… I remember thinking quite often, “Why me?” Why did all this shit happen to me?

I’m not perfect, but I did not do to anyone what was done to me…

HERE’S TO 2020

I let too many people in my life that were just toxic. I forgave too many people when I knew I wasn’t ready to and that worsened my anxiety. I’m not doing that this year. This year is about me and my mental health.

You do me wrong, bye.

You lie to me, bye.

You betray me, bye.

You try and play me, bye.

I’m not dealing with any of it anymore. I deserve better and so does my mental health.

Happy New year everyone. Make it a great one. Do great things, and make great memories.

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Everyone should have a friend who’s an Empath

I have always been super sensitive to others feelings and emotions… Not just the understanding kind of sensitive… The kind of sensitive where I mentally and emotionally feel what others are feeling. I’m an empath.

Google says that an empath is a person with the paranormal ability to perceive the mental or emotional state of another individual. So, that pretty much means that I am psychic. Lol

Besides the sheer fact that empaths are basically psychic, I am going to give you great examples why everyone should have a friend who is an empath.

Empaths just know things (psychic)

You don’t really need to tell them anything. They can tell when something is wrong just by looking at you. They can tell when something is wrong by the way you breath or how you say one word.. This is something beyond intuition, hence why it’s considered to be a paranormal ability.

We feel what you feel as our own feelings

This is something we literally can’t help…. We’re like a blue tooth for feelings. If someone is feeling something, we automatically link to you and project your feelings too. Except, we can’t turn it off. It’s a 24/7 things, the off switch is non existent. This is probably why people like to be around empaths.

Their opinions are based off of a strong intuition

When an empath tells you that you shouldn’t welcome someone in your life, it might sound like jealousy, but it’s not. It’s because they can sense a toxic person from a mile away. Their intuition comes on stronger than ever when they are near a dishonest person. We are just trying to spare you the pain.

We are excellent listeners

We don’t just listen to your problems only to have the space to talk about our own. We listen and try to put ourselves in your shoes. We genuinely understand you and will try and come up with the best solution for your situation.

We strive for the truth

No matter how painful it can get, we strive for the truth so we will slap you with it if need be, rather than to comfort you with lies. We will slap you with the truth, but we will also be there to hold you from the pain of the truth until you can pull yourself up.

Everyone needs an empath for a friend. We are loyal and best of all, honest. We will get to know you inside and out and never forget what your favorite food is. We will understand you and your feelings to the highest degree and cry with you if that’s what you need (We can sense what you are needing in a certain moment or situation). We will be honest with you, even if it hurts. We will carry you when you can’t hold yourself up.

Do you have a a friend who is an empath? What is it like to have an empathic friend?

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My favorite things about the Fall season

If you are a long time reader of my blog, you’ll know that fall is my absolute favorite season of all time. I love everything about it. In the spirit of fall, I thought I’d do a post of all my favorite things about about this amazing season.

The colors!

The colors of the fall season are the best. Such warm colors that complement a cool season.

The cool crisp air!

I LOVE the cool weather during the fall season. I live in Las Vegas, so summer’s here are brutal. Fall is a nice break where it isn’t hot but also not too cold!

Fall Fashion

I love big long sweaters, hoodies, leggings and boots. I love being warm when it’s nice and cool outside. Besides I think fall fashion is just cuter anyways.

Candles

I love fall scented candles such as, Pumpkin spice, pumpkin apple, and apple pie. I especially love the fall food scented candles. I love the feel that the candles bring to my house

Colorful leaves

Who doesn’t like big piles of colorful leaves to jump in and crunch?!

Thanksgiving of course

Thanksgiving is my second favorite holiday! (Halloween is my first) I love the variety of foods, the way the house smells and my every year Thanksgiving tradition of watching the Macy’s day parade early in the morning! I love spending that time with my family!

What you do like about fall? Do you have any traditions? Let me know in the comments below.

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I know it’s hard, but you can do it

“This is a story all about how my life got, flipped, turned upside down…”
Yes, I did quote Fresh Prince of Bel Air, because that show is life! If you haven’t seen that TV show, then you must live under a rock or something…

Anyways… So, I am getting a divorce. Yes, I am okay and no, I am not okay. I am okay, because it needs to be done. I have to be able to live my life to the full extent without living in sadness. I am okay because I now know my strength and I know this is right for me. The reason why I am also not okay is because the last 6 years have damaged me to the fullest extent. Things have happened that I have to remember for the rest of my life, like the utter feelings of dread and sheer sadness. (I will not being going into grave details of what happened in the last 6 years because it’s not necessary for anyone to feel hatred or sadness for me or my soon to be Ex. Trust me when I say, I have felt enough of that.)

I was in a very toxic relationship for the last 6 years and even got married knowing how toxic it was. I was belittled, verbally and mentally. I was used and taken for granted. I was betrayed and lied to, but worst of all, I lost my self confidence and self worth and even at one point, I wanted to die. I knew how toxic it was and I stayed…. I gave this person so many chances to change and every single chance I gave, they blew them, but I stayed anyways. I felt unloved, unwanted and like I could never make someone happy. I relied on another person to make me happy and that’s the biggest mistake I ever made. I let someone dictate my life and happiness which is why I felt like I could never leave…

I started going to Utah a lot to spend time with my only Grandma and she helped open my eyes to reality. She made me realize that happiness comes from within and if you don’t have happiness in yourself, you don’t have anything really. I did a complete 360. I made the choice to finally leave the toxic life I was living for so long, knowing it would probably be hard and that I would probably have moments of vulnerability. I realized that I was only staying because it was in some sense, easier. Which is true, in some aspects, but taking the easy route meant misery and regret and why would I want to continue to live my life that way? I DESERVE to be happy. I DESERVE to be happy for my daughter and she deserves to see her mom happy.

Are you in a toxic relationship?

Do you feel like you are belittled, manipulated, used and just feel unloved by the person you are with? Has this person hurt you to the point of losing yourself and your confidence? Has this person lied to you countless time to the point that you don’t feel like you believe anything that comes out of their mouth? Have you given this person multiple chances to change and no change has happened? Then you need to leave. I know it’s hard and you feel like it would be easier for you/ your children if you just stayed and dealt with it, but you DESERVE happiness too. REAL happiness. You need to teach your children that it is not okay for someone to treat another the way you are being treated. You think they don’t see it, but you are wrong…. They see it… Sadly, my daughter and my two step kids have seen a good percentage of what was done to me. I wish I would of left sooner before it go to the point of them seeing anything… I have to live with that everyday.
Yes, people make mistakes, but is it really even a mistake anymore if it’s always happening? No, it’s choice at that point and then manipulation.

You are worth more than you think!

I feel like I wasted 6 years of my life because I was too scared to leave. 6 years I won’t be able to get back! 6 years that I could of been truly happy. Don’t make the same mistake I did and stay over and over because it seems easier. You may not think that’s why you are staying, but why would you even think about leaving in the first place if it weren’t? Change is scary but living 10+ years not truly happy is even more scary. I missed out on so many opportunities. I lost a lot of friends, best friends too. I lost respect of a lot of people and I brought the toxicity into my families lives…

It’s not okay

No kind of abuse is okay. Even though I was never physically abused, I was severely mentally and emotionally abused and these kinds of abuse can sometimes be worse than physical abuse… All abuse is wrong though and you should not settler for it.

You got this, I promise

I have been where you are at. I know the feelings you are feeling. I know… You have so much strength inside of you that was hidden away. You just need to realize it and find it again. You got this. You may not know it yet, but you got this. You will eventually find that strength and change your life. That hurt you feel will eventually fade away and you’ll realize, “Fuck this shit. I’m a bad bitch and I deserve better than this.”

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I chose happiness

For as long as I can remember, I have been unhappy and I had many reasons…. I never blamed myself for my unhappiness, but now I realized that I am totally to blame because I chose to be unhappy. Yes, awful things happen to everyone and those things might make us sad or angry, but to continue on with those feelings instead of letting them go is entirely up to us.

I allowed others to control my happiness

I grew up very unhappy because of my little brother. He was the worst to grow up with. He was (and still is) very abusive. He hit me, lied to get me in trouble, stole and broke my things and even chased me around our kitchen table with a butcher knife. Being a little kid, it’s really hard to control our happiness in situations like this, but I chose to keep that unhappy feeling in my adult life when I could of just let it go because he is not in my life now.

I am known to fall for and stay with guys that are not right for me and treat me like garbage. I am also known for giving multiple chances to those who have hurt me over and over even though I am unhappy with the situation and person. I let it go so far that I lost my self esteem and my sense of self worth. I chose the path I chose and made myself unhappy instead of just letting go of what was hurting me. I chose to endure the pain and suffering and blamed my unhappiness on those who hurt me.

My happiness is my choice

I chose the paths in my life even though they were mentally killing me. I am to blame for my unhappiness because I did not rid my life of the negativity and toxic people. Yes, people do shitty things, unforgivable things, but that is something they HAVE to live with, you don’t because you can let it go and move on knowing you have a kind heart.

Happiness is a choice that you have to make and not depend on others to give you and that’s what I’ve been doing wrong all my life, but now I know that happiness comes from within and I choose to be happy no matter what.

A bit of advice

You should never let the fear of change or being alone keep you from making yourself happy. It never works out if you look for happiness in things other people. You need to have happiness in yourself. What I have learned from the choices I made was how strong of a person I actually am and how I don’t need someone to make me happy.