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It’s okay to remove toxic people from your life, even family.

If you knew me ten years ago, you’d know that I allowed so much toxicness in my life. I let so many toxic people walk all over me. I also forgave wholeheartedly the people that knew what they were doing when they hurt me.

Being 30 years old, I’ve realized that I don’t give a flying fuck who you are, long time friend, blood, my great aunt Sue, if you’re causing drama, tension and just all around toxicness in my life, BYE.

I’ve already cut out 90% of family and those who I considered family, out of my life because they were causing me drama, tension, sadness and pain. They were treating me with the idea of what family shouldn’t be like.

It takes A LOT for me to cut someone out of my life who meant something to me. You would have to do something really hurtful to me more than once for me to completely cut you out. Somehow my dad’s side of the family has managed to do that. Which hurts but I realized it hurt more to have them in my life with their toxicness than it does to have no contact with them at all.

Back story

A lot of my family are two faced. They will pretend to care about you to your face and then turn around and bad mouth you like you mean nothing to them. Some of them will even bad mouth you when you are right next to them. They will make you promises like they mean it to look like a good person, but really have no intentions of keeping them. They will make plans with you over and over and break them every time and then put the blame on you when you finally set boundaries. They will pretend to care about your kids when you’re around but then never call to ask about them. They’ll treat you like shit and not talk to you for months and then act like you’re in the wrong and then turn around and invite you over for a holiday family dinner like you’re one big happy family. Some of them even favor others in the family and don’t even act like you exist and just stop contacting you. They also love to make you feel bad for asking them for any help.

Dear anyone who thinks this pertains to them,

If you’re feeling attacked like this pertains to you, you’re probably right, it more than likely does, but think about that for a moment…. Why would you feel like this pertains to you if you aren’t feeling guilty in some type of way? If I really meant something to you, I wouldn’t be writing this, would I? If you have never done me wrong, then why do you feel like this pertains to you? I just wanted to let you guys know that I’m not angry anymore. I’m not sad anymore. I’m just done. If you’re feeling like this pertains to you, then more than likely I’ve let you walk all over me for too long and I’m just done.

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The things my daughter says to get her way

Apparently, toddlers know how to word things to get their way and they’re good at it. My daughter is pro. I thought I’d share some of the things she tells me to persuade me into giving her what she wants.

I never have a clean bathroom

So, Averie insists that she go potty in MY bathroom. I don’t let the kids use my bathroom because they destroy it. I am always cleaning something off the walls, toothpaste off the counter, and trash off the floor so I just don’t let them in there. Well, Averie will just barge in my room and walk right in my bathroom. When I tell her to go use the other bathroom, here are her responses:

  • I’m about to pee in my panties so I have to pee in your bathroom!
  • Mumbles…
  • But the other bathroom stinks (She ain’t wrong though)
  • But I CAN’TTTT!

    She is so dramatic.

Public Restrooms

So, I think both my girls have a thing with checking out the public restrooms. No matter where we go, they seems to always have to pee, even if they didn’t drink anything and went before we even left the house. Never fails, Averie ALWAYS has to pee when we’re out in public. Some of her reasons for always going into a public bathroom are as followed:

  • (Again) I’m going to pee in my panties
  • Um, uh… I drank sooo much juice (Even though she didn’t)
  • My hands are sticky and I need to wash them (Which they aren’t, she just likes the hand dryer thing)
  • Because…. just because.

Extra food

She is ALWAYS wanting snacks. Like one snack after another like she hasn’t eaten in weeks. I know she’s growing, but there should be a limit on how many fruit snacks one three year old can eat in 10 minutes. I have to limit her because she eats when she’s bored. Her reason’s for extra food are:

  • But I am soooo HUNGRY *As she rubs her stomach*
  • The buggies in my tummy are so hungry and if you no feed them, they eat me
  • I LIKE FOOOOD
  • And the most popular, I’M STILL HUNGRY!

She tries to make deals with us

So, I dread taking my three year old to any store with me. Sometime’s she great, but most of the time, she is a demon, but for some reason she is always asking to go to the store. When I tell her no or that I don’t need to go to the store, she then tries to bargain or sweet talk me into taking her.

  • I will be good if we go to the store
  • I wanna go to the store so I not cry
  • But it’ll make me happy like this, see *Cheesy grin*
  • But you’re my bestest friend and I like going with you.

She thinks she’s clever… Well, she actually kind of is because she gets away with half of this. Sometimes her arguments are pretty valid so I don’t have anything more to say to her. How is it that three years old’s act like demons but get what they want anyways????

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Things you shouldn’t say or do in front of your kids

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The fact that I even feel the need to write this just bothers me, but here we are. Obviously, there are things you just don’t say or do in front of your kids, right? Well some parents didn’t get that memo or just don’t care if their kids lose all respect for them. Hence why I’m writing this. There’s things that kids minds just aren’t equipped to hear and shouldn’t worry about anyways. There’s also things that they don’t need to see, such as a parent disrespecting another parent, or belittling them. Yeah, this should be common sense, but apparently not to everyone. 

Your kids see what you do and how you act and how you treat others. They follow you. You are their role models. They learn how to be an essential, functioning part of society from you. Think about that for a moment. You are molding a human to grow up and be successful.

Don’t talk about your finances when your kids are around.

Kids should not have to worry about bills

It’s a great idea to teach your kids about finances because that’s something they’ll use in their life, but don’t talk about your household finances in front of them. This is adult stuff. They don’t need to worry about stuff like that. There are situations however that this doesn’t pertain to. No child should have to worry about if you can afford food or things that are needed. Just figure it out and don’t talk about how your late on bills in front of them. Nothing worse than your child asking if you can afford to do this or that with obvious worry in their face. 

Don’t criticize your spouses parenting in front of your kids.

I don’t quite understand why any parent would do this unless the discipline goes to far of course. Don’t tell your spouse they were wrong for the type of discipline they gave just because you didn’t like it IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. Do you understand the risks of this? Your kids seeing you treating your significant other like they did something wrong for disciplining them for something they did wrong will cause them to lose respect for that parent, like they have no say and that you will overrule the other parents discipline. It’s just wrong. Don’t take your significant other’s parental rights away. 

Don’t bad mouth your significant other in front of your kids.

This shouldn’t even be said, but unfortunately there are people like this in this world. Parents speaking so badly about their kid’s other parent in front of their kids. On top of this just not being right, do you understand how awful this makes your kids feel and what image of that parent you are implanting in their minds? That’s not fair to the other parent and definitely not fair for your kids. 

Don’t undo something that the other parent did. 

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What I mean is, don’t undo the parenting that the other parent did- don’t give something back to your kids that was taken from them by the other parent because they are crying about being in trouble. The other parent has the same amount of say as you do. If you keep undoing what the other parent does, your kids won’t take the other parent seriously because they think you will save them every time they do something wrong and get punished for it. Just not okay. 

Don’t use your significant other’s past that was before you, against them.

I don’t understand why people do this. It’s cruel. It’s done out of anger I’m sure, but it shouldn’t even be an option. We all say things out of anger, no ones perfect, but refrain from doing it in front of your kids. The past is the past for a reason. Leave it there. They didn’t have to tell you about their past, but they choose to, so you shouldn’t use it against them, especially in front of your kids. Again, this is one of those things that shouldn’t be said, but unfortunately, there are selfish people in this world. 

Don’t tell a step parent that they aren’t the real parent.

This! This upsets me to the fullest. I am a step mom and not once has my husband, or the mother’s of his kids ever told me that I wasn’t their parent. Not once. In fact, the mother of my step daughter reads my blog and sees me refer to her daughter as mine and she doesn’t disagree. If that step parent has been the only other parent in your kid’s life, then this shouldn’t even be thought of. Instead, it’s used against them when it comes to disciplining and responsibility to them. It’s wrong. The worst part is, telling that step parent they aren’t really their parent IN FRONT OF THE CHILD THAT THINKS OF THEM AS THEIR PARENT. Not only did you belittle your significant other, you said that they weren’t your child’s parent in front of your child. The outcome of this could be many things. Your child could lose respect for that parent because they aren’t his parent, or it could break their heart. Either way, you’re doing damage that is very hard, if not impossible to undo. 

 

Kids are sponges, they hear and repeat everything they see their parents doing. They are sensitive, easily impressionable and just innocent. Don’t ruin that for them. Let them have a childhood. I didn’t have this. I saw and head things that I couldn’t ever imagine my kids enduring. Enough to scar me and have a lasting affect on me. 

Jessie

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Things you shouldn’t say or do to another mom

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This is a form of mom shaming. When mom’s put mom’s down, as well as put their kids down. I’ve had to deal with this a lot since becoming a mom from both family and friends. There’s just things that you don’t have a right to say or do. Not as a mom, not as a human being. It’s just not okay, and it makes you (Excuse my french) an asshole. You aren’t giving parenting advice because it wasn’t asked for. You’re just being an asshole. Here’s what I’ve experienced and what some of my friends and family has experienced from mom shamers. 

 

Comparing kids

You do realize that they are two TOTALLY DIFFERENT kids, right?Different brain. Different way of thinking. Just different. Comparing what my child does to what yours does just makes you look like an idiot. Just because my kid does something a certain way and yours doesn’t, doesn’t mean crap. It LITERALLY MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BENEFICIAL to my kid or to me and you just wasted your time giving me UNWANTED “parenting advice” and just made me lose respect for you. Way to go ace.

 

Putting your two cents in

The only time you should feel obligated to put your two cents in about another mom’s parenting is if the child is in danger. That’s it. Nothing more. If your cents aren’t asked for, keep it in your damn pocket. Don’t tell another mom how she should praise or punish HER kids. How would you feel if you were insulted as a mother? Yeah… Think about that.

A child is like a butterfly in the wind,
some can fly higher than others,
But each one flies the best it can.
Why compare one against the other?
Each one is different.
Each one is special.

 

Belittling comments

Making comments towards another mom or her kids is wrong. You don’t have that right. No human has the right to belittle another person. No one is better than anyone else. Don’t make comments about what they eat/feed their kids, about what’s on their TV or radio. Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. “I don’t buy that for my kids because it’s got to much sugar in it.” Or, “I don’t understand why you have this playing all day. I can’t stand it.” Here’s a simple solution to all of this… Don’t like it? Don’t come to my house. Plain and simple.  

 

Doctor Mom shamer over here

Seriously, keep your unwanted medical advice to yourself. Unless you see something seriously wrong, like me neglecting my child, or you are an actual doctor, stop acting like a freaking doctor. Stop telling me why I should do this because you believe in it… Again, my kid. Not yours. Don’t insult another mother by telling her she should make an appointment for the way her kid talks, how they eat, walk, sleep or anything… If I thought something was wrong, I’m pretty sure I would have the common sense as a mother to take care of it. Unwanted Medical advice is a for sure way to lose respect from someone.

thank you for coming!

“You spoil your kids”

First of all, that’s none of your damn business if I do. I’m not teaching my kids to be entitled. I’m teaching them to be humble. My kid may get what she asks for every once in a while, because she deserves it. That doesn’t make her spoiled. My kid may have a lot of toys or some pricey things, but my kid shares. Everything. She will share the food she’s eating, with you. Do you think that’s a spoiled kid? Uh, I think not, Susan.

 

“You aren’t enforcing punishment”

How in the hell does anyone think they have the right to say this to another mom? Not only are you saying my kid is out of control, but you are insulting me as a mother. Why do you think you have that right? Ever think that maybe I’ve spent countless nights without sleep? Ever think that I’ve tried everything I could think of and I just need to breathe? Ever think that maybe why I do what I do is none of your business? No you don’t because you are stuck in your own world thinking that you are high and mighty enough to shame other moms and think that your are actually helping them.

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Dear all you mom shamers that are mom’s,

Unless someone asks for your advice, keep it to yourself. Worry about your own kids and stop trying to parent mine.

Sincerely, one fed up mom.

What I’ve realized is, about 80% of the moms that’s mom shame other moms are they ones who suck at parenting or have some sort of guilt about what they do in their kids lives.

Don’t read this and then contact me asking if you’ve ever done this to me, because if you have to ask, then obviously you have a guilty mind and probably have done this to me. If you read this and think, “Damn… I said this to Linda last week…” then you are the reason why mom’s can’t get along and you should reevaluate the way you live and parent and stop acting like your God’s greatest gift to motherhood. Sound good?

Sincerely, 

One annoyed mom

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7 Ideas that will lift your holiday spirit

Do you have Holiday spirit_

This time of year should be a joyous happy time. Sometimes, people just don’t have the holiday spirit. A few years, I was the ba-humbug, no holiday spirited person. When I get like that, I try to do things that will life my spirit. There are a lot of things that can be done to get you in the spirit. Here’s my list of holiday spirit boosters.

 

Holiday music.

This is the number one thing that can change my sour mood around. Put it on when you are cleaning your house. Sing obnoxiously even if you sound like a wounded moose. Play it when you are cooking and use the spatula as a microphone. Play it when you are getting ready for the day. Starting your day with it can really help turn your mood around.

 

Holiday movies.

If holiday music isn’t for you, because I know a lot of people who find Christmas music, annoying, maybe try watching a holiday movie. I love Christmas movies. The grinch is my favorite and is relatable when you are not in the holiday spirit. Another good movie is Prancer. (Prancer has Sam Elliot in it when he was younger, so you know this is a good movie!)

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Holiday festivities.

Going out and seeing some Christmas lights or participating in a Christmas related activity can really help you get into the spirit. Being around others who are in the spirit can lift yours. Seeing some beautiful light displays can also get you in the mood. This past Sunday night, my family and I went to a chocolate factory in my town that decorates their outside gardens with millions of light displays. They even had Santa there and a hot cocoa stand. We went with our good friends and their kids. My daughter had a blast and thought it was just the prettiest thing ever.

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Holiday baking.

I don’t know about everyone else, but I love to bake. Baking cookies around the holiday and giving them to family and friends or just eating them myself puts me in a great holiday mood. I love the smell that fills the house.

 

Decorating.

I love decorating for the holidays, especially Christmas. Light up candy canes and reindeer are my favorite outdoor decorations and garland and paper snowflakes are my favorite indoor decorations, as well as a Christmas tree, of course. Seeing the decorations really does put you in better spirits. I’ve been making paper snowflakes and hanging them from my ceiling ever since I can remember. 

 

The gift of giving.

This always warms my heart and brightens my holiday mood. I think this is the most important part of the holiday season.  Giving to those in need gives you a sense of joy that you can’t buy. It teaches you to be humble and sometimes, being humbler is the key to a better holiday spirit. Just about every year, except for the last few, I have gone to feed the homeless. One of my favorite things to do, especially around the holidays. You wouldn’t believe how thankful someone is just for spending your time with them and spreading your holiday cheer with them.

 

Remember, the holidays are about love, giving, family and friends. Not about material things. If you are having a rough time this holiday season and can’t seem to shake the ba-humbug mood, look to your family or friends for support, use my list as a guideline or make your own list of your favorite holiday things. Sometimes writing down what you love about the holidays will make you feel better.

 

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30 Stocking stuffers for your husbands

40 stocking stuffers for your kids (2)

Every year, I fill my husbands stocking along with my kids. (Honestly, I even fill the animal’s stockings) I just love stocking stuffers!

  1. Pens
  2. T-shirts
  3. Pocket Knife
  4. Book light
  5. Key chair
  6. Coffee mug
  7. Flash light
  8. Head phones
  9. Wallet
  10. Tools
  11. Bottle opener
  12. Sun glasses
  13. Razors
  14. Socks
  15. Nail clippers
  16. Books
  17. Bungee cords
  18. Rechargeable batteries and charger
  19. Lint brush
  20. Car cleaning accessories
  21. Chips
  22. Cookies
  23. Candy
  24. Gloves
  25. Hat
  26. Phone case
  27. Beef jerky
  28. Beer/soda
  29. Magnetic wrist band
  30. Tire pressure gauge

I hope I made it easier for y’all when it comes to stuffing your families’ stockings. What are some things you put in your families’ stockings? Let me know down below in the comments.

 

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