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9 ways your toxic partner is negatively affecting you

In a relationship, you are suppose to build each other up, not tear each other down. You are suppose to grow together and be able to count on one another. Do you feel like you are trapped in the idea of how a relationship should be and not actually in a real relationship? Here are some signs that your significant other is more toxic than than beneficial to your health.

Your social skill have changed

You use to be able to strike up a conversation with anyone. You use to be able to find a common interest with anyone.

Now, you barely talk. You aren’t that chatterbox outgoing person that you were before because now you fear saying the wrong thing. You fear that what you say will be misinterpreted. You fear that your significant other will think wrong about what you say to others.

You feel drained in every way possible the majority of the time

You have little to no motivation left for anything, not even something as simple as taking a shower. You are running on a 1% and anything feels like a demanding task. You just feel empty.

They have literally rid your soul of it’s will to go on…

Restful nights are completely non-existent

You don’t remember when the last time you went to bed happy and actually slept. You are up all night wondering what you did wrong earlier that day. When you finally do fall asleep, it usually comes with tears and anxiety.

Being with someone toxic who is slowly dragging you down means that your life is surrounded with a scary amount of negativity, which prohibits you from being able to sleep peacefully

Your toxic significant other is affecting your sleep and now your health to a scary degree.

You have lost a lot of friends

You find yourself making excuses to not go out with your friends anymore. As much as you want to, you also don’t want to be accused of doing something wrong by your significant other. Your friends don’t recognize the person you have become and tell you how worried they are about you often, but you are too afraid to tell them how you feel, because you are afraid of what your significant other will think if they found out.

You notice that less and less friends even call you anymore to invite you out.

Your significant other is literally isolating you.

Worry has become your best friend

You constantly worry and have anxiety about everything. Literally everything. You worry so much that you make yourself physically sick over it. You feel like your whole day was wasted and filled with anxiety

You feel your anxiety taking complete control, but you have no emotional or physical energy to address it.

Your physical and mental health has plumeted

You feel unwell most of the time. You always seem to have something wrong. You always find yourself in the emergency room or doctor’s office.

You just don’t feel like yourself anymore, and just want everything to end because that seems easier.

They are literally draining your health to the point where you NEED to depend on them.

Disappearing feels like the only option

You feel like you are stuck and can’t get out the the toxic cycle you are in, so ‘disappearing’ seems like the only logical solution.

You feel like no one will miss you anyways, so why not.

They have have literally sucked all the self worth you use to have, out of you.

You constantly question yourself

Even when you haven’t done anything wrong, you blame yourself all of the time. You blame yourself for your significant other’s actions. You also blame yourself for the reason why they don’t show you the love you show them.

You honestly feel like you did something so horrible to make them not love you…. Even though you know deep down that you didn’t…

They are able to manipulate you into thinking whatever they want you too think, when they want you to think it.

You always feel like something is missing in your life

You feel like your life is always incomplete, like there is something missing, but you don’t know what. You feel like nothing will get better.

As much as you want things to get better and you want to fill that void, you have no idea how.

You need to reach out

I am here to tell you guys that I really know how you feel. That sound cliche, but I have been where you are and it’s hard. Beyond hard, but you can get out of it and find yourself again.

You are worth more than your significant other is making you feel. You are important and you matter.

I know it’s hard, but you need to find that strength you once had to leave that toxic relationship, because it’ll only get harder if you don’t.

You need to trust your gut and act on it, not ignore it. You have more strength than you realize, you just have to find a support system to help you remember that.

If you are having thoughts of suicide, please please please reach out to loved ones or call the National Suicide prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

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When I needed you, you weren’t there

This post isn’t about anyone specifically, but about every time I turned to someone, how they turned me down. I know, this seems like a downer post, but it’s to help everyone who has been turned down and to those who didn’t listen to their loved one who needed them. I will not be naming who specifically said these things.

They weren’t there when I needed them

When I was having a hard time with my relationship with my soon to be Ex- husband, I turned to my friend to vent and told her what my thoughts were and how I was feeling, which was utterly shattered. I told her I was thinking of divorce because of all the mental abuse, cheating and lying I was put through. Her response: “Divorce is a sin. You should go to church.”

I went to a family member about how I was feeling about my anxiety sky rocketing and how it was affecting my everyday life. I was having constant anxiety all the time and didn’t know what to do. Family member’s response: “Anxiety is all in your head, you can control it.”

I use to have multiple panic attacks a week. I would be in the bathroom, on the floor crying and hyperventilating and just hoping to die so the sadness ends. I just needed to be reassured that I wasn’t alone and just to have someone there with me. Instead I was told: “What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you freaking out?! I am going to call the cops if you don’t stop.”

When I was struggling in all ways possible and just needed advice, I went to a family member about everything and didn’t get the advice I should have gotten. Family member’s response: “You got yourself in that situation. I don’t know how to help you.”

I was always there for everyone when they needed me, even though I knew I was being used as a last resort friend. I never turned anyone down when they said they needed a person to talk to and I never will. I don’t care if we aren’t really friends, haven’t talked in months, don’t really like each other… It doesn’t matter to me because your life matters. Your feelings matter and your health and mental health matters and if the people who should care most about you in your life don’t show you that, I will. From one human to another.

Thank you. You more than likely saved my life. I use to be in a REALLY dark place and y’all shined light into my world of darkness. You helped me realize my strength and my worth again. You’ve restored some of my faith in humanity. You’ve helped me rediscover who I am and I am more than grateful.

If you love and care about someone, then it shouldn’t be so hard to be there for them. Don’t belittle their feelings or their mental health. Mental Health Matters more than you obviously understand. Its apparent that you guys also have mental health issues if it’s so hard to be compassionate towards others. Actually LOVE your loved ones, or you may lose them… You don’t have to give advice, but you could just listen and remind them of their strength they have and how you’ll be there through every step of getting better.

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I know it’s hard, but you can do it

“This is a story all about how my life got, flipped, turned upside down…”
Yes, I did quote Fresh Prince of Bel Air, because that show is life! If you haven’t seen that TV show, then you must live under a rock or something…

Anyways… So, I am getting a divorce. Yes, I am okay and no, I am not okay. I am okay, because it needs to be done. I have to be able to live my life to the full extent without living in sadness. I am okay because I now know my strength and I know this is right for me. The reason why I am also not okay is because the last 6 years have damaged me to the fullest extent. Things have happened that I have to remember for the rest of my life, like the utter feelings of dread and sheer sadness. (I will not being going into grave details of what happened in the last 6 years because it’s not necessary for anyone to feel hatred or sadness for me or my soon to be Ex. Trust me when I say, I have felt enough of that.)

I was in a very toxic relationship for the last 6 years and even got married knowing how toxic it was. I was belittled, verbally and mentally. I was used and taken for granted. I was betrayed and lied to, but worst of all, I lost my self confidence and self worth and even at one point, I wanted to die. I knew how toxic it was and I stayed…. I gave this person so many chances to change and every single chance I gave, they blew them, but I stayed anyways. I felt unloved, unwanted and like I could never make someone happy. I relied on another person to make me happy and that’s the biggest mistake I ever made. I let someone dictate my life and happiness which is why I felt like I could never leave…

I started going to Utah a lot to spend time with my only Grandma and she helped open my eyes to reality. She made me realize that happiness comes from within and if you don’t have happiness in yourself, you don’t have anything really. I did a complete 360. I made the choice to finally leave the toxic life I was living for so long, knowing it would probably be hard and that I would probably have moments of vulnerability. I realized that I was only staying because it was in some sense, easier. Which is true, in some aspects, but taking the easy route meant misery and regret and why would I want to continue to live my life that way? I DESERVE to be happy. I DESERVE to be happy for my daughter and she deserves to see her mom happy.

Are you in a toxic relationship?

Do you feel like you are belittled, manipulated, used and just feel unloved by the person you are with? Has this person hurt you to the point of losing yourself and your confidence? Has this person lied to you countless time to the point that you don’t feel like you believe anything that comes out of their mouth? Have you given this person multiple chances to change and no change has happened? Then you need to leave. I know it’s hard and you feel like it would be easier for you/ your children if you just stayed and dealt with it, but you DESERVE happiness too. REAL happiness. You need to teach your children that it is not okay for someone to treat another the way you are being treated. You think they don’t see it, but you are wrong…. They see it… Sadly, my daughter and my two step kids have seen a good percentage of what was done to me. I wish I would of left sooner before it go to the point of them seeing anything… I have to live with that everyday.
Yes, people make mistakes, but is it really even a mistake anymore if it’s always happening? No, it’s choice at that point and then manipulation.

You are worth more than you think!

I feel like I wasted 6 years of my life because I was too scared to leave. 6 years I won’t be able to get back! 6 years that I could of been truly happy. Don’t make the same mistake I did and stay over and over because it seems easier. You may not think that’s why you are staying, but why would you even think about leaving in the first place if it weren’t? Change is scary but living 10+ years not truly happy is even more scary. I missed out on so many opportunities. I lost a lot of friends, best friends too. I lost respect of a lot of people and I brought the toxicity into my families lives…

It’s not okay

No kind of abuse is okay. Even though I was never physically abused, I was severely mentally and emotionally abused and these kinds of abuse can sometimes be worse than physical abuse… All abuse is wrong though and you should not settler for it.

You got this, I promise

I have been where you are at. I know the feelings you are feeling. I know… You have so much strength inside of you that was hidden away. You just need to realize it and find it again. You got this. You may not know it yet, but you got this. You will eventually find that strength and change your life. That hurt you feel will eventually fade away and you’ll realize, “Fuck this shit. I’m a bad bitch and I deserve better than this.”

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Why you should get an Emotional Support Animal

If y’all remember reading, I had to put my dog down that I’ve had since I was 16 years old, back in February. I told myself I couldn’t get another dog because the sadness I experienced from putting her down was one of the worst feelings I’ve ever had and I just couldn’t bear the thought of going through that again. Well, not having her around hit me harder than I thought. I lost my constant support and my constant companionship that I desperately needed!

I was scrolling on Facebook on day and saw this picture that was shared by one of my friends from her sister. I commented on it saying I want one only to be crushed minutes later when I realized that the original poster lived in another state. I was so sad and just so disappointed. My faith in humanity however was restored minutes after I was crushed because the original poster, (Her name is Shalee) said that she would bring me one. LIKE DRIVE UP HERE AND BRING ME ONE. Yeah, I pretty much balled like a baby after that.

Story Time:

Shalee rescued these puppies from someone’s backyard because they were being severely neglected. They had fleas and ticks all over, sores all over and didn’t have any hair when she rescued them. She literally jumped the fence into someone else’s backyard and took all the puppies and nursed them back to health.

She told a complete stranger that she would bring them a puppy. Like who does this kind of stuff? She definitely restored my faith in humanity, that’s for sure. about three weeks later, she really did come up here and bring me a puppy.

Her name is Peanut and she’s about 18 weeks old right now and she’s a mix between a Terrier and German Shepard. She is the happiest , most playful little puppy ever, but she isn’t like most puppies I’ve had. She sleeps when I sleep even if it’s taking a nap. She follows me EVERYWHERE and I take her pretty much everywhere. She gives kisses on command and is getting really close to being able to shake on command.

Registered as an emotional support animal

I registered Peanut as an ESA so that I would be able to have her as that constant support anywhere I go. Let me tell you, for being a puppy, she is already so intelligent. She knows when my anxiety is getting high because she’ll jump on my lap. When I have panic attacks, she’s instantly right beside my side. We do pretty much everything with each other by our sides.

Why you should have an Emotional support animal

  • They reduce anxiety:  Pets reduce the feeling of uneasiness and act as a source of comfort They reduce anxiety
  • Healthy distraction: Those suffering from a mental illness often need a healthy distraction to keep them from feeling down
  • Constant company: Prevents people from feeling lonely and isolated
  • Reduces stress: Playing with your ESA has been known to reduce stress
  • Emotional support: Pets are intelligent creatures that positively impact the psychological state of their owners by offering compassion and reassurance.

Peanut is the best little puppy and so behaved for being a puppy. She’s not too fond of me folding laundry though, she’d much rather lay in it.

Thank you again, Shalee for giving me my little companion. I don’t know what I would do without her.

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All Mental Health Matters

Mental Health Matters

What is Mental Health?

A mental illness is a physical illness of the brain that causes disturbances in thinking, behavior, energy or emotion that make it difficult to cope with the ordinary demands of life. Research is starting to uncover the complicated causes of these diseases which can include genetics, brain chemistry, brain structure, experiencing trauma and/or having another medical condition, like heart disease.

Inherited traits. Mental illness is more common in people whose blood relatives also have a mental illness. Certain genes may increase your risk of developing a mental illness, and your life situation m (1)

What does Mental Illness do to your brain?

Most scientists believe that mental illnesses result from problems with the communication between neurons in the brain (neurotransmission). For example, the level of the neurotransmitter serotonin is lower in individuals who have depression. This finding led to the development of certain medications for the illness.

Early Warning signs of a mental (1).png


I am still not understanding why mental health isn’t understood by all. It affects your BRAIN people. The motherboard of your body. People are made fun of, belittled and just thrown to the side when there is actually something serious going on. Everyone needs to get on board with Mental Health Awareness and have more compassion and understanding. 

Here is an AWESOME human being. Her name is Lucy Bassett and she is the owner of Hello Stigma. You can also find her on Etsy where she sells “all things mental health, positivity and pick-me-up- gifts”.  She’s also on Instagram as well. 


A bit of what she sells in support of Mental Health



Stories of those who suffer from a mental illness



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Mental Illnesses can affect every part of your life. It can change your personality, your habits and your state of mind. It is a REAL thing. I really wish we were making it up, but that’s not the case. 

What you can do to support Mental Health

Ask. Ask your friends and family who suffer from a mental illness how they are doing and if you can help in anyways.

Listen. Really listen to those who suffer. Don’t belittle or toss them to the side. They need the support but sometimes don’t know how to ask for it.

Educate yourself. Research the different types of mental health illnesses so you can get a better understanding of what your loved ones are going through.

Tell your story. Have you personally struggled or currently struggle with mental illness? Don’t hesitate to tell friends and family about it. Your story can encourage others to ask for help.

Stand up for someone. Watch out for bullying and stand up for that person, as this can lead issues such as depression.

Memorize suicide hotline. 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You never know when someone might need it. 


My Story.

I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Depression. For me, anxiety and depression is the most awful combination ever. Because of my depression, I lack motivation/desire to do anything. I have frequent mood changes. Having anxiety makes my depression a million times worse. I have no motivation to do anything, like clean my house but then my anxiety goes nuts because my house is so disorganized. One of my other struggles with anxiety is not being able to shut my mind off at night and over thinking everything. I’m also pretty negative about everything and don’t know that I am being that way. 

I’ve coped with these by going to a psychiatrist and therapist as well as talking to others who suffer from what I do. The best way I’ve found to cope is by blogging about it. 

I wish everyone would understand that My mental Illnesses aren’t my choice. They aren’t something I am making up. I’m not doing anything to get attention. I also want people to understand that my depression and anxiety keeps me from really enjoying life the way I really want to- it keeps me from going out and seeing friends, or even just being social. 

The advice I can give would be to seek help. Call a friend or family member or even go to therapy like I am. Don’t me ashamed to ask for help. Everyone needs help in their life at some point. One of the biggest pieces of advice I can give is to cut the negativity out of your life. Whether that be people, jobs or situations. You don’t need anything else giving you anxiety. 


Make a difference and support Mental Health because 

Mental Health Matters.



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I am taking a break for a while

Whoever said diamonds are a girl's best friend, never owned a dog.

Last night, I had to make one of the hardest decisions ever. My 10 year old pekingese had been sick for days and wasn’t getting any better. She’s blind, which made everything worse. She had stopped eating, and was lethargic and then eventually wasn’t able to walk. Her being blind made it worse because the little amount of walking she could do, she ran into things. Day before yesterday, she stopped walking altogether.

Thorns may hurt you, men desert you, sunlight turns to fog; but you're never friendless if you have a dog.

It’s been a hard time for me these last couple of weeks. I’ve been sick for a about three weeks with colds and massive sinus issues, then my car broke down and it’s going to cost quite a bit to get it fixed and then my Lily girl got sick. It’s been rough with everything lately, but this was the hardest part. I laid her to rest last night around 6:30 pm.


A few days ago, I took her to an animal hospital near me and had the worst experience. I just wanted the vet to be upfront with me and she wasn’t. I spent the last little bit of money I had for the exam visit and a medication that wasn’t going to help her because I couldn’t afford all the tests that they wanted to do. I knew those tests were going to result in surgery and I just could bare putting my baby through that at her age and with the health issues she already had. The vets main concern wasn’t what is should have been either.
Yesterday I called over 15 clinics to find an option and a vet that would be honest with me and not just want money and I found one and she gave me a free consultation. I wasn’t expecting to put her down last night, but as soon as the vet told me that she was suffering, I couldn’t bare to take her home and have her suffer more. I made that hard decision and let her go.

Hauling Business 101

I’ve had Lily since I was 17-years old and she has literally been by my side through a lot of dark times when no one else was. She was my constant support. A piece of me, of that comfort is forever gone.
My anxiety and depression has been really bad lately and this just put it at an all time high, so I will be taking a break from blogging for while to adjust to life again and find happiness again, because right now, I don’t have much.

Lily Girl

Cherish your pets everyone. They love you unconditionally and just want love back. They don’t live forever and when it’s their time, it hurts like hell to let them go. She was more than just a dog to me.♥♥

I will forever miss you. You sat by my side when no one else did. I’m devastated that you are gone but happy you are no longer suffering. Even though

I knew you were suffering, you hid it from me so I wouldn’t be sad. I love you, Lily girl. My forever friend.

She loved to hid in things, especially boxes. Probably because when she was a puppy, I use to stick her in my jacket pocket and take her everywhere with me. It didn’t matter if the space was too small for her to fit in, she made herself fit. ♥