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Motherhood & Anxiety, My struggle Part: 2


About a month ago, I shared my struggle with depression. Today I am going to talk about another difficult struggle of mine that really affects my life and every aspect of it.  ANXIETY. I know I had problems with depression at a younger age, but I didn’t know I had anxiety until just a few years ago when I had a full blown anxiety attack for the first time, which by the way are horrible and nothing like I’ve ever felt before… I’ve had many panic attacks since my first one.


What I struggle with:

Constant worry.
I constantly worry about everything. I will literally make myself sick over something that I think needs to be solved right now. I worry about problems and things that happened in the past. I also worry about what my future will be like (More than a normal person should), to the point where I start to degrade my present self and life for not being further I guess you would say.
I get maybe at most, 5 hours of sleep a night. I am always exhausted and always want to sleep, but can’t. My mind just races a million miles an hour when it’s time to go to bed. When I finally do get to sleep, I wake up every couple of hours or so with a racing heart. Not being able to sleep has really worsened my depression.
Anxiety attacks.
These are the worst! The best way I can describe what one of these feels like is, it’s like you’ve lost all control of your emotions… it feels like you’re so overloaded  with emotions that you become numb and would do anything to feel something.
During an anxiety attack, you hyperventilate… Not being able to breathe when you are freaking the hell out is terrifying! Trying to catch your breath when you are balling your eyes out seems impossible. You can’t think past the sadness or wrong that got you to this point in the first place.

imageedit_11_3821388956Last week, I was upset about something and I was driving on the freeway… I kept thinking that nothing was going to change (The thing I was upset about) and that I was going to live with this sadness forever…Which sent me into an anxiety attack WHILE ON THE FREEWAY DRIVING. That was horrible.

Trembling & racing heart.
Sometimes my anxiety will come out of no where for no obvious reason… One day I was sitting outside at work and out of no where, I started to feel really anxious… I started shaking and my heart started racing and I was having a hard time breathing. 

Nothing is more terrifying than battling with your own mind everyday. – UNKNOWN

You know, I’ve been told by multiple people including family, to “Just control my emotions… get a grip… lighten up and to control what bothers me…” I’ve had people tell me that I’m overreacting and that I’m acting crazy. First of all, these things are really, REALLY hard to hear. Second, Yes, I know this seems crazy, but I’m not acting and third, if I could just get a grip and control my emotions, don’t you think I totally would?! You think I like feeling this way?! You think I like constantly worrying about everything?! HELL NO. I’m having anxiety just writing this right now.

imageedit_16_4140208702This affects my daily life and those who are in my life. It affects the things I do and how I react to things. It’s even worse when you have kids. Moms are paranoid about their kids right off the bat but having anxiety makes us 10 times more paranoid. Trust me when I say, if I could just turn this off and act normal, I would, in a heartbeat. I don’t understand why anyone would think people with anxiety would just act like this for fun. This is a miserable way to live. I never understood anxiety really until I knew what it truly felt like and now, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

You cannot recover from anxiety by just staying calm. You cannot recover from depression by just being positive. You cannot recover from anorexia nervosa by just eating more.

If mental illnesses were that simple, we wouldn’t be struggling in the first place.  – UNKOWN



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11 ways you can help someone with Anxiety.

11 Ways you can help someone with Anxiety.png
It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything and it has a lot to do with what has happened in my life lately as well as my anxiety. Just my anxiety alone will prevent me from doing something I absolutely love. I decided to do an Anxiety awareness post since this month is mental health awareness month. A lot of people don’t fully understand what Anxiety really is and what it feels like for those who suffer from it. So, I am going to shed some light on that and hopefully give those who don’t suffer from anxiety a better understanding of what it is and how to help someone who suffers from it.

1. Anxiety isn’t something a person can just Snap out of .
Anxiety is caused by behavior. Because of this, it takes the right information, help, support and hard work to overcome issues with anxiety.
2. Reassure them that they are going to be okay.
Anxiety can create one of the strongest reactions the body can experience. This strong reaction can create intense emotions, feelings, sensations, and symptoms.
3. Stay calm and help them to calm down.
Anxiety is predicated on fear. This fear can be rational or irrational. Encourage them to calm down or settle down. They will feel better once they do but it can take some time for them to actually calm down.
4. Be available.
Let them know that you are there for them. Let them know that they can talk to you without fear of judgment. Also let them know that you aren’t going to change the way you think of them because they are dealing with anxiety issues.
5. Be patient.
Anxiety can sound like a broken record – replaying the same topics and fears over and over again. While you might understand the nature of their struggle and see it clearly, the sufferer doesn’t. Replaying the same issues is their way of trying to come to terms with their fears.
6. Learn everything you can about anxiety.
Knowledge is power, right? If you want to help someone with their anxiety, become an expert on it. The more you know, they better. You can provide ongoing information, support and reassurance to them.
7. Empathize, don’t patronize.
Sufferers typically feel bad enough about what is going on in their life. They don’t They don’t want sympathy, but they do appreciate your compassion and understanding.
8. Celebrate the small victories.
Overcoming anxiety takes a lot of hard work. On the way to lasting success, there are often a great many little steps and victories. Celebrate them. Doing so can be very encouraging to the sufferer.
9. Affirm Them.
Encourage them to feel better about themselves. Low self-esteem is often associated with the struggle of anxiety. Your positivity and encouragement can help them see themselves more positively.
10. Take their anxiety issues seriously always.
Never joke about their anxiety. It’s not a joke to them. It’s a serious issue that they wish they didn’t have to deal with. The minute you make one joke, they’ll probably never trust you again.
11. Continually offer hope.
Your continued hope and reassurance can help them get through the drudge of recovery. Once they have recovered, you’ll recognize the true value of the hope you provided.

Anxiety sucks totally. It makes you over think everything and think the worst in pretty much any situation that has even the littlest bit of stress. Anxiety gives you major self-image problems. Anxiety can cause those who suffer from it, to push those who care away. This is my biggest issue. Luckily, the people I have in my life who understand my anxiety, push back harder to stay in my life. One of my friends noticed that I was hardly contacting her anymore and when she said something about it, she said,I know it’s your anxiety doing this, but just know that the more your anxiety says to push me out, the harder I’m going to push to be in your life.” I honestly don’t think she knows how much this meant to me.


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Dear Present Broken Self…

Dear Present Broken Self,
I know You’ve been through hell and back and then hell and back again. I know you’ve been feeling broken lately and have had a hard time trusting anyone, so I am here to tell you that you will be alright. You are strong, remember that. You are worth it. Don’t let the cruel actions of others make you question your self-worth. You do not control what others do, so don’t blame yourself for their actions. Don’t think you did something wrong because others decided to hurt you and betray your trust for their own selfish  reasons, they choose to do that, not you. Only take what you can handle. Only fix what you think has a chance. Don’t let anyone influence your choices. Those are your decisions. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for a choice you made that you felt was right for you. Don’t let anyone or their actions define who you are or who you strive to be, unless it’s beneficial to you. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you again. You have control over that, you always have.

Your stronger self