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The moment I should have realized

I have been reluctant to write about this let alone talk about it with anyone, because of my lack of intelligence and ignorance of toxic situations in the past.

Allow me to elaborate. I was the kind of person who would always look past anything negative of someone to avoid confrontation when in reality, that brought me more negative than anything. I always gave second, third and probably fourth chances to those who obviously didn’t deserve it. It just wasn’t obviously obvious to me back then. *Facepalm*

Now that I am SUPER aware of toxic situations and people, I now see all the red flags from the past that I should have recognized then. Sometimes I lay awake and think, “What the hell is wrong with you, Jessie? How did you just ignore that?!” I get flashbacks of those, ‘the moment I realized’ moments. Unfortunately, I have multiple of those moments with the same people because I ignored the first moments. *another facepalm*

I know y’all are wondering what those moments are so I will share a few.

One:

The moment I should have realized I should have broken up with my ex and moved on was when he was laying right next to me, sexting another girl and then lied to my face about it. End result: I married him 2 years after that and then FINALLY left him 4 years after I married him. Just imagine all the toxic shit in-between that I endured tolerated.

Two:

The moment I should have realized that I should have dropped someone as a friend was when she sat on my couch and talked shit about me to her boyfriend RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME when she was piss ass drunk. Nope, my dumbass self forgave her and continued to be her friend. End result: I FINALLY ended our toxic friendship and for an entirely different toxic reason. Blocked her on everything. (There were SO MANY reasons I should have dropped her sooner.)

Three:

The moment I should have realized that my “friend” wasn’t really a true friend is when she took me to a club and when we were talking, she said, “I really wish you’d stop talking.” Out of nowhere and for no reason other than I was apparently annoying her. I allowed her in my life for about six years which means six years of being treated like shit. She had done some really messed up things that hurt me in the past that in my mind I thought I could just forgive and forget but she kept doing messed up things that friends just wouldn’t do. End result: I literally ran out of words to say to her so I stopped saying anything to her. She never seemed to really care about the damage she caused me.

Four:

The moment I should have realized that pushing to be in my sister’s life wasn’t worth it when she treated me like I wasn’t her sister. She didn’t come see me in the hospital when I had either of my kids. She bailed on me all the time with multiple excuses. She only called me to vent because she knew I’d listen. End result: I decided blood doesn’t mean shit to me if they are literally going to cause me mental anguish all the damn time.

I don’t know why I let my ENTIRE 20s be consumed by toxic people but I’m now in my 30s and am fully aware of toxicity. I don’t tolerate it anymore and I won’t subject my kids to it. I don’t care what role you had or what you think you had in mine or my kids’ lives, if you’ve caused me mental distress and toxicness, my kids won’t be in your life. Plain and simple.

I don’t have friendS, I have like one friend that I talk to that actually asks me how I am and doesn’t just contact me to vent about their drama, and you know what? I’m completely fine with that. I’m happy with one friend.

If you’re reading this and thinking, Huh, I wonder if any of this is about me and that’s why she doesn’t talk to me anymore” then you’re probably right but that means you need to really think about how you’ve treated me because it’s obvious I don’t just kick people out of my life without multiple chances. Hmmm

P.S. I am so terrible at keeping up with this blogging thing. I am also so busy and always caught up in something else. If you’ve read this far, and would like to know what I’ve been caught up in, look up my Instagram : mytablecrafts .

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