For those of you who have anxiety, you’ll understand this post completely, but those of you who don’t, I’m going to explain what I mean.
It started with the wrong person
As y’all know from previous posts, I was in a long, mentally and verbally abusive relationship for 6 years. I was belittled in every way someone could be belittled. All I remember about the relationship was having moments of being happy, or what I thought was being happy, followed by being hurt in the worst way possible. Every single time. I thought this person was my forever, so I stayed. I thought I was just crazy and being sensitive. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression like 4 years into the relationship, so I wasn’t crazy.
I didn’t get the mental support I needed
I was called crazy all the time for any feeling I had other than happy. I was yelled at and belittled during times that I just wanted to die. I was threatened during panic attacks or just straight ignored. I was looked at as crazy no matter what I did, even though I didn’t do anything that would classify as crazy.
I’m happy now, but my anxiety is worse
You’d think that my anxiety would be better since I’m truly happy, but it isn’t. In a sense, it kinda makes sense if you think about it. Anytime I thought I was happy in the past, it was followed by something that hurt me and this went on for over 6 years. I am truly happy, but my anxiety is says, “Are you really going to stay happy though? This person will hurt you too.” Part of me knows he won’t hurt me and wants to be happy with him, but the other part (Anxiety), says otherwise because of my past.
He’s different in every sense of the word.
The guy I’m with now doesn’t belittle me and make me feel crazy for having anxiety. In fact, he does the complete opposite. He helps me through my anxiety and panic attacks and understands why I have them. He even understands why my anxiety is worse now than it was before. He senses my anxiety before I even say anything about it and is right there! This is something I’m not use to so, naturally I think I’m going to end up hurt again.
He can pull me out of a panic attack
He’s the first person who has ever conquered pulling me out of a panic attack and back to myself. He literally stops what he’s doing to help me. He’s noticed patterns with my panic attacks and anxiety and he’s counteredacted them. When my anxiety gets bad and I don’t want to tell anyone, I stick my headphones in and drown out the world with music because that’s the only thing I’ve ever really had. The minute he sees that, he drops everything and grabs me. I don’t usually speak during panic attacks like this so, he found a way to speak to me. He takes my phone and puts certain songs on and sings them to me. He doesn’t take my music away, but he acts through it.
He stuffers too
He stuffers from anxiety, depression, paranoia and PTSD so, he understands me on a different level and knows I can’t control it. What gets me the most though is the fact that this man has been through some really traumatic things that I can even imagine going through, yet he still stops what he’s doing to get me back to myself. He’s stuffers more than most that I know. His anxiety is worse than most I know, yet he’s got the biggest heart than most I know, even after all he’s been through. He’s so selfless, especially when it comes to the mental health and physical health of others.
Anxiety is real and you aren’t crazy
If someone is making you feel like you are crazy for your mental health, then that human being isn’t your person. If they are belittling you for your mental health, then that human isn’t your person. If they are making your mental health worse, then that human isn’t your person! You are not crazy, even though your mental health is telling you different.