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What NOT to say to someone who suffers from Anxiety.




I have written about Anxiety a while back, but lately I haven’t because I was feeling better. My anxiety wasn’t as bad anymore and I was sleeping more, and my panic attacks stopped. I finally talked to my doctor about my anxiety and she prescribed me something for it that also helps me sleep. Well… that all lasted a month. I am not sleeping again which is causing issues in my work life. Since I sleep so little because I cannot get to bed any earlier, I stopped taking my anxiety sleeping pills because they make me groggy the next morning which makes it impossible to get up at 3am and be able to do my job. I am exhausted all the time, mentally and physically. My anxiety lately has been brutal.


Since I suffer from anxiety, I decided to do this post about what not to say to some who suffers. Unfortunately, all of these have been said to me… multiple times… during panic attacks when I am at my lowest.


ONE: You are just doing this for attention.

This is just a heartless thing to say. If I could just cue anxiety whenever I wanted, I would never have it. I would never have panic attacks. I would never cry on the bathroom in the dark at 2am. I would never cue any of those things. I would never feel like I belong nowhere. I would never feel like I have no meaning in life. I most certainly wouldn’t choose to feel this constant worry… about everything.


TWO: You’re only crying to try to make me feel bad.

I wish I could just not cry. I wish I wouldn’t feel anything sometimes. I wish sometimes I didn’t have any feelings at all. Having this many feelings all at once, all the time is torture. Utter torture. I cry because I don’t feel like I can do anything else to get my feelings out. I cry because I feel broken all the time. I feel alone even though I am surrounded by people. I don’t cry because I want to make anyone feel bad. I don’t want anyone to feel bad. Especially the kind of bad that I feel, because the kind of bad I feel is just so lonely. I would never wish this on anyone, ever.


THREE: Just knock it off, just stop.

This is one of the most hurtful things to be told. If I could just knock it off, I would. I totally would. I’m sure most people who suffer would. This isn’t easy to deal with as it is, and hearing “knock it off” makes it even harder to deal with. At times, it makes it unbearable. So unbearable that I just want to disappear. It makes me feel like my being is irrelevant. No human being should feel this way, but most importantly, no human being should make another human being feel this way.


FOUR: I can’t deal with this.

You can’t deal with this? How the hell do you think I feel? I HAVE to deal with this everyday because it’s a part of me. Hearing someone say that they can’t deal with what you are going though, someone who is supposed to be there for you and support you is devastating. It’s the worst thing to hear. As if I don’t already feel the worst about myself. I have a hard enough time dealing with as it is and it really breaks me to hear that you can’t deal with me because of something I can’t control, something that is ruining me and my life. Sorry that you are having such a rough time with me suffering.


FIVE: You need help.

Thank you for stating something I already know. I know I need help. I know what I need to do. Not feeling like I have the support to do it makes it seem impossible accomplish. This phrase can be said in two different ways, but the way I am talking about it the belittling, I’m annoyed with you kind of way which is how I have been told numerous times. When this is said in this manner, it makes us who suffer feel like we are an inconvenience. I feel like that 99% of the time anyways.


SIX: Just relax and lighten up.

This phrase. I wish it were as to do this as it is to say it. I wish I could just not worry about anything the way that I do. I wish I didn’t stress over everything. I wish that I didn’t get physically sick from worrying all the time. I wasn’t more than anything to just relax. I want all the feelings and negative thoughts that stick to me with unbreakable force to disappear more than anything. I want to feel like I am okay for once. I want to live carefree for once… but I can’t. My anxiety won’t allow me to. It’s like a demon who is constantly with me and tells me how insignificant and meaningless I am. It tells me how irrelevant I am. Tell me, can you relax and lighten up when you worry about literally everything against your own will?


This was about a month ago when I had a really bad panic attack. I still remember the feeling I had during this panic attack. You can see the emotional pain I went though and the physical effect it had.

Mental health is a really thing. Anxiety is a real thing. I’ve dealt with a lot in my life, but dealing with anxiety has been the most difficult and most exhausting. If you know someone is suffering, help them. Encourage them and make it be known that you are there for them to support them. Don’t dismiss their feelings.



15 thoughts on “What NOT to say to someone who suffers from Anxiety.

  1. Thank you for writing this post. I’m so sorry you have heard those brutal phrases. Anxiety is not a choice; I can’t imagine anyone would choose it. Stay strong!

    1. Thank you so much. I have my bad days but I’m still alive, so that’s something.

      1. Staying alive is a huge accomplishment 🙂

  2. I can not believe people would say that whether you have anxiety or not. Everyone has the right to their feelings. But I am glad you are sharing this, so if we do hear these things, we can stop those people and teach them how that is not helping. Thank you for sharing this with the world.

  3. It is truly unbelievable what people will say – thinking they are helping. This is information that the general public needs – DAILY 🙂 Hang in there!

    1. Thanks girl!! Sometimes I get told these things because of the fact that I have anxiety. They know it hurts me, so they say it. :/ It’s terrible and I could never do that to another human being.

  4. Anxiety can be very rough. My husband at first never understood it but now he knows what not to say and what to do!

    1. That’s good!!! My husband still doesn’t fully get it and says hurtful things. He’s trying though. I know it must be frustrating for him to see me like that.

  5. I have learned to be compassionate about other’s feelings. It is so painful to hear those comments to someone who is anxious. It is real and painful. Thanks for sharing.

    1. We need more compassionate people towards mental health. It is definitely real and painful to be belittled for something that I cannot control. Thank you for your kind words.

  6. This post really resonates with me as I deal with anxiety at times as well. None of these are helpful things to say to a person with anxiety. We all really need to learn to do a better job of removing the stigma from mental health issues and how to support those who deal with it.

    1. You are right, we all need to do a better job- anxiety comes in different forms. Thank you! <3

  7. Thank you for this. Whether it be a personal diagnosis or something a loved one is navigating, we all have experience with anxiety. May the conversation surrounding mental health continue so that we can be better equipped to support those around us.

  8. My sister suffers from depression and we have had a conversation encompassing all of these points. Being the little sister, I wasn’t always as supportive as I should have been and I’m grateful she took the time to explain these things to me.

    1. That’s amazing that she was willing to explain it to you and also amazing that she get the support from her sister that she needs. Something I never and still don’t really have.

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