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The Cold Truth About Toddlers + Tips.

I bet you are all excited about your baby becoming a toddler, right? This is the fun age, they can verbally tell me what they want, time for potty training. Let me tell you the truth about having a toddler. 
Toddlers may look cute and sweet, but they aren’t always like that. The way I describe my toddler is sour patch kid. Trust me, this is fitting to most toddlers.
Here’s the truth about toddlers.

1. They act like wild animals: they play with their own poop as well as your animals poop. They climb on EVERYTHING and they don’t mind eating out of a dog bowl on the ground.

2. They are destructive. They will break anything, even things you didn’t think were breakable. They like to destroy furniture as well.

3. They are kind of evil. You will find the heads, legs and arms of their baby dolls not attached to their bodies. Sometimes, they’ll even put the dolls detached limbs in their mouths and then giggle.

4. They are thieves. They will take anything that isn’t there’s, including your food. They have no guilt about it either.

5. They are over-dramatic. Something as little as giving them the wrong colored cup will send them into a screaming, kicking fit.

6. They are unpredictable. It doesn’t matter if you have the same exact routine everyday, their moods are bi-polar really. One minute, they are happy, loving and sweet and the next minute, they are demons who are screaming bloody murder because you sneezed.

7. They are sneaky. This one ain’t no joke. They wait until you finally sit down, your moment of weakness, to hide behind the curtains in their room with the bag of Cheetos they stole from you.

8. They are resilient. They don’t listen no matter how many times you tell them to get the trolls head out of their mouth. Bribes and distractions eventually stop working too. Good luck!

As much as I love my toddler, sometimes I think she is possessed by a demon.
Here are a few things I suggest doing to avoid some of these honest truths.

1. Don’t buy furniture.
2. Put them in footie pajamas so they cannot take their diaper off at night.
3. Don’t get attached to your stuff.
4. Superglue their baby doll limbs to their bodies.
5. Eat in your closet so they can’t steal your food.
6. To attempt to avoid tantrums, ask them what cup or plate color they want. I’m going to honest, sometimes giving them the option really pisses them off too. You have to psychic pretty much.
7. Honestly, the best thing to do when they are in a real bad, don’t touch me, kind of mood, just don’t talk to them. Let them come to you or let them forget about their bad mood themselves.
8. Hide your favorite snacks up high, out of their reach and climb.
9. Chase them or get them to really run around most the day, so they are tired by bedtime. Your chances of them only screaming for 5 to 10 minutes compared to hours is greater if you do this.
10. I highly suggest getting color-wonder paper and makers!!!

Toddlers at this age can be so fun, don’t get me wrong, but they can also turn into demons in 3 seconds flat.

5 thoughts on “The Cold Truth About Toddlers + Tips.

  1. Crying laughing because every bit of this is TRUE! DONT. GET. ATTACHED. TO. YOUR. STUFF. Seriously. Lol. And I am TOTALLY guilty of hiding in the closet, bathroom, car, etc. so that I can enjoy MY snacks. Hahaha. Just the laugh I needed as I calm down from going hulk-mode on my 4, 2, and 1 year olds!

  2. Gosh very over dramatic!!! My daughter is to and we are going through the terrific Twos. She is so dramatic over every little thing. I also agree about eating in the closet. L my daughter loves my cereal so I usually have to hide when eating it especially when I do not have any more left

  3. I laughed so hard at this. Partially because while reading the 8 truths my son (he's 3) did about 7 of them in the time it took to read them. LOL I am a firm believer that it is okay to believe toddlers are a-holes sometimes. So funny and so true!

  4. Hahhaa. This got me laughing and a little bit fearful at thesame time since my LO has yet to turn 3 and I already think she’s bad (not yet evil haha). 😂

  5. #3- they are kind of evil , haha!!! I am so scared of the toddler age! My son is almost 6 months and it's just the best age. My biggest fear in life is potty training. Thanks for the humor and honesty!

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